We are only beginning to discover the magnitude and many tentacled, multiple symptoms of this dis-ease. A dis-ease in the true sense of what dis ease is. An uneasiness of/within your being. Can you imagine being uncomfortable in your own skin? Can you imagine wanting to break out of it you are so uncomfortable in it? Now, imagine being uncomfortable in your mind. Uncomfortable within your own thoughts. Imagine wanting to get out of your own mind and thoughts. That's the immediate reaction within anyone who has experienced PTSD and I think we can all relate to these images. That's the disturbing thing about PTSD. We all seem to be able to relate to it in one form or another-at some point in our lives or another. I believe it is almost impossible to live in this century and not be affected at some point by a psychic trauma so intense it fosters the growth of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some of us weather these traumas better than others.
In my book, PREHAB, I describe a chilling single incident psychic trauma that nearly paralyzed me for a decade. This incident eventually helped lead me to create the principles behind PREHAB and the central idea of "stay here now" when confronting the nightmares that often accompany PTSD. But, PTSD can manifest itself in numerous ways. From depression and societal withdrawal to violent physical outbursts. PTSD is a family killer and a scourge of our society that we are only just now starting to understand.
Soon, as promised, our military personnel will come home from their posts in the middle east. Many, many of our returning military personnel will suffer profoundly from the intense trauma they faced on the battlefield. Some of these returning soldiers and sailors will be readily identified by their field commanders and will be offered military services to help alleviate the pain and trauma of PTSD. However, all too often those soldiers who need it the most will not come forward with their personal anguish and their commanders will not be able to easily identify them for assistance. Most of these returnees will simply slip through the cracks in the system and be discharged without ever being identified as a PTSD sufferer. For those of you who know a returnee or who expect a returnee home from Iraq or Afghanistan soon, to please watch for signs of PTSD. Social withdrawal, extreme moodiness, persistent nightmares or night terrors, sudden anger, increased alcohol or drug use or any increase in addictive activities. There are also certain "triggers" that can cause a panic response that often trips into a full blown PTSD episode. Sirens are my big trigger. Everyone has different triggers. Try to help identify these within those you know who suffer from PTSD. Encourage these brave men and women who are our unseen wounded veterans to seek counseling and assistance from their local VA hospitals. There are new therapies being introduced all the time. One of the newest remedies for PTSD is a high dosage of morphine as close to the incidents cause as can be administered. I'm not sure what the thinking behind this is, perhaps to jolt the brain into some aggressive rejection of the damaging event, perhaps flavoring it and making it more palatable to the mind? It's an interesting approach and very typical of military medical personnel. I wonder how they discovered this possibility? In my experience PTSD is best dealt with through talk therapy and, if necessary, dream repression (so night terrors are reduced). Time, in all its manifestations, plays an immense role in recovery from - or coping with - PTSD. The patient who suffers from PTSD will soon find time an ally or foe depending on what one does with it? I am a big adherent to letting go of the past. This is the best way to defend oneself from PTSD, but it takes the ability to Stay Here Now and that takes practice. So, letting go of the past traumas that become PTSD, or the single event, can be daunting. Try to place the memory of these events into a "therapy file" that you examine when you are with your therapist. Therapy is the proper place for these examinations. Open that file there and then and pull from it whatever images you want to discuss from your past, then after your session is over, replace or discard those images and close the file until your next session. During your daily activities remind yourself that the past is just that, the past. By staying in the here and now we pull our feet from the muck of our past and stand firmly in the moment. From the moment it is easy to step forward and move toward a healthy future. Moving forward thwarts PTSD as it has no place in a healthy future. Now, bring your healthy dreams to a fore and have then envelop your life. Soon you'll leave the nightmarish past behind and you'll be able to move toward your healthy dreams with purpose, passion, and perseverance. Focusing on the moment relieves us of our PTSD and allows us to stay true to our intent of becoming fulfilled and forward moving individuals.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

It seems as if my friend and fellow musician Joe is coming from London and will arrive in San Francisco Wednesday afternoon. This will be tricky as I live 3 1/2 hours each way from SF. On top of that, another older blues guitar player, a session and jam guy who's played in a million bands forever, I'll call him Bill, is looking for a rehab (he a meth freak primarily but has multiple physical ailments to consider in his rehab). It might be a wise idea to place these two together up here. Both will be wanting to rediscover their individual creativity's without being on drugs and they might click and be great supports for one another. I might have Bill pick up Joe in SF since Bill is much closer to SF than me, and they could drive here together. Along the way the would see if they clicked at all, then once here Bill could either stay or return to life elsewhere. While I wasn't expecting to rehab Bill, I should have figured this might happen. Bill has been a long time drug and, I believe, alcohol abuser. His use of meth, though is his current major concern as I think he stopped doing any other drugs or alcohol years ago-I could be wrong here. There are several AA groups that meet off and on throughout the day here and with the sort of physical workout I intend to give Joe, Bill would certainly benefit from a month here. Since the snows have all melted and it's up to 60 degrees in the day now, I can get the kayaks out (I live on a key off Lake Tahoe and have access from my boat dock to the lake and various streams nearby). We have indoor swimming, hiking, biking, running, tennis, and I have my own hot yoga studio, so both these gentlemen will get a good dose of Swift style rehab. Since I have worked extensively with musicians I know what pitfalls to watch for and the worse part of this effort will be the wondering "if" they can still play, have fun, and create new works. Perhaps together they might find something musically profound? It may also be a great time for me to finish writing my rock opera, The Exit Bus! Lol. Frankly, I'll be lucky that the two of them don't sneak off and do all those crazy things we know musicians do. This is, after all, South Lake Tahoe and the temptations to gamble and live wildly are abundant.
I haven't heard from Anna in days, but I am hopeful that her time with her father is going well and that she still has a determined sense of self moving forward. I know things in Thailand are tense, but I am certain that won't spill over into Chiang Mai. In any event, I have found for her another excellent situation that would enable her to move forward toward her dream. I admit I am curious regarding her welfare and hope to hear from her soon.
This will be the last time i refer to my daughter, Wessley, in this blog. She has requested that I keep her from it at this point in time since she is progressing very nicely, keeping her job, and meeting new, healthy friends. I of course will respect her wishes and say only this as a final commentary; I am very happy that Wess has rediscovered the thing that makes her want to move ahead with her life. I am thrilled to have my daughter (and one of my best friends) back to a happier self, and I am certain Wess will no longer falter as she rebuilds and restitutes herself. I am a happier dad for this, and a healthier dad as well.I sleep better knowing my daughter has turned the sharpest corner of her life and is on a solid rehabilitation roadway.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

I'm having a nice respite between clients as the gentleman I expected from London cannot make his way over here yet. The ash from Iceland's erupting volcano has grounded most of Europe's air traffic and new flights are not being booked yet. Hopefully, this will sort itself out before May 1st as it would be very convenient for me for him to arrive on that Saturday afternoon. I will be at San Francisco airport that day to drop my mother off for her spring and summer in Cleveland. So, we are trying to arrange for a Heathrow flight to coincide. It would save hundreds of travel dollars and hours and hours of travel time.
I'm looking forward to seeing "Joe". He has/had at least 6 addictions to substances (heroin, crack cocaine, methadone, marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes-I think I'm actually forgetting two of them), and has an ego torn by its desire to please others and a need to satiate various addictions. These two come into internal conflict often. Like alot of artists (in this case Joe is a world class rock musician having recently been nominated for a Novella Award-Britain's equivalent to our Grammy Award for Best song writer and having had a fairly big hit in Europe a few years ago), Joe feels his creativity is tied to his addiction(s). Mostly this gentleman is known amongst the London underground music scene where he is both worshipped and hated for his antics on and off the stage. He has been arrested numerous times on charges of drug possession and simple public drunkenness, and has been jailed several times in an attempt-by the British courts-to "mend" him. He first came to my attention in 2001when I was acting in a film called "Being Bonkers". I played, well, myself-a sort of wacky therapist. I met Joe at an after party. It was obvious from his hollow features and skinny body that he had been an addict for sometime. I later discovered that he has been an alcoholic since he was 8 years old and a heroin addict for a couple decades. Someone at the party put on his disc. Joe's music hit me like a pile driver-full of rage and passion, love and fear, desperation and abandon. We spoke. I took hold of his withered hand, looked him in the eye and told him that when he was ready to start living again to come and see me. He smiled, then passed me what I thought was a spliff (part cigarette/part marijuana) and I took a few puffs. Unknown to me at the time, it had been laced in heroin. I had never tried heroin. Suffice to say that after a short while I felt nauseated and, all-in-all, I did not like the drug, however my encounter with Joe was remarkable.
A few months later the film director who put us together contacted me on Joe's behalf. He was ready to see me. To make a commitment to living again. He came to stay with me in Sacramento and we hit it off immediately. I quickly discovered that Joe's image was actually quite far from his real demeanor. He is a quiet, thoughtful and sincere person who, through no fault of his own, was placed upon his drug and alcohol fueled path when he was only a child. Everyday after school his single father would send him off to the local pub to await him so his father could entertain women at home. He was thoroughly addicted to alcohol before he was 10 years old. And things went downhill from there.
Joe spent almost 4 weeks with me and was healthier than he had been in decades when his people in London thought it would be great for him to return and record. Of course, this was in fact the worst thing that could have happened since he was not rock-solid in his rehab. I objected, but to no avail. People wanted to make a new CD. People wanted to tour. People wanted to make money. So, Joe returned earlier than I had wanted and quickly came into contact with his old friends. The drugs and wine started flowing again, and...well there you have it.
Joe came to see me again in 2005 just after my brother had passed away. I had planned along sabbatical in southeast Asia and could only spend a few weeks with him. He was going to accompany me to Asia, but the day before we were to leave he got drunk and sabotaged his recovery with me. I sent him back to London with his tail between his legs. Yes, he was in better shape, but he still had not made the internal commitment needed to stay clean.
I recently discovered that Joe was involved in a young woman's OD several months ago. Joe apparently woke up and his friend he had been partying with had OD'ed and choked to death on her own vomit. Joe, of course, freaked. The girl was a from a prominent British family. Police investigated. Charges were drawn up. Joe went into rehab at London's Focus 2 recovery center. My book had just come out. The director who introduced us sent him a copy. Joe read it, owned it, and with the help of the folks at Focus 2, Joe is now, apparently, completely drug free. So...now what, Joe?
That's why he's coming here. Where traditional drug rehab ends, I begin. Now we can take a newly reformed Joe and find a niche for him in the world where he can be comfortable and thrive without resorting to his old habits and addictions. New habits, healthy habits, have to be introduced and continually reinforced so that new and healthy behaviors are cemented. I will try to get Joe's physical being into perfect tune with his new mental outlook. Together we will complete his restitution. I am looking forward to seeing Joe again, giving him a well deserved hug and high 5, and working with him to fulfill his dreams.


www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

I read an article in today's paper headlined: Tanning's Dark Secret: Study finds the facilities can become addictive. The article spoke to the point that tanning activates the same parts of the brain triggered by drug dependence. Apparently in a blind study, groups of people who tanned and then were deprived of tanning underwent a withdrawal. Also, the vast majority of folks who tan do so, not because of physical appearance, but rather as a means to relax and to improve one's mood, and to socialize. Sound familiar?
The reasons we think we do things and the real reason we do things may differ dramatically. Take tanning, for instance. I have always been aware that I feel better if I have some sun on my skin. I believe I look better and I believe I tan so that I am more healthy overall. Yet, this is contrary to everything we know about tanning. I know that it's not healthy to bake my skin in the hot sun. We have ample evidence that this behavior is bad for us and can lead to all sorts of maladies including melanoma-skin cancer. Yet, just as the social drinker thinks they drink only to loosen up and be entertaining, perhaps an underlying cause is perpetuating this behavior. Perhaps addiction, to whatever it is that addicts us, is only being masked by our own misinterpretations. After all, it is so much easier to fool ourselves rather than to take a hard look at our behaviors and then decide to act positively to change them. The effort it takes to change our unhealthy behaviors sometimes seems overwhelming. It is at these times when the principles expressed in PREHAB can really benefit you. Paying constant attention to the 4 P's and to your intention and focus will always assist you in determining whether you are on a healthy road moving forward towards your dreams, or whether you are just perpetuating the same actions that keep you stuck in your place-or worse, mired in your past.
If we can become addicted to tanning, it is easy to see why addiction to many things is rampant.In our world feeling good is it's own reward and we have instant ways to feel good. I believe that "feeling good" through a quick fix, though, cannot possibly be as enjoyable as feeling good because of accomplishment. Functionality leads to accomplishment and that always feels good. So, forget the shortcuts. If you want to feel good about yourself and have that feeling last longer than your next hit or your next drink or your next tan, then look toward your functionality and see if you are headed toward your dreams. If not, then you may need to check that addiction and replace it with healthfulness.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Illegal prescription drug use is rampant. Why wouldn't it be? Pharmaceutical companies spend millions of dollars annually to assure that our nation's physicians dole out prescription drugs on a continual basis. Stronger, longer lasting drugs are finding their way to our family medicine cabinets where smaller, inquisitive hands can easily reach out and grab them. We generally do not lock up these drugs even though we understand the ramifications of their use. We also know that children take these drugs from parent's bathrooms at an increasingly alarming rate. Why are we allowing this to happen? Who's responsibility is it to make certain these strong, powerful elixirs are not taken by those for whom they are not prescribed?

I believe this responsibility falls upon us as individuals, and the State as society's overall protector. Firstly, medicine cabinets should be just that; medicine cabinets! These should come with a manufacturers lock and may in fact be separate cabinets from your traditional bathroom "medicine" cabinet. Perhaps such a cabinet could be kept under the sink or tucked away inside a larger bathroom cabinet or closet. Assuring that we, as individuals, do our part to insure these drugs do not fall into our youngster's hands, would be alot easier if the private sector, industry, put a little thought into things.
I also think that the State is partially responsible for solving this challenge. Since the State allows doctors to freely prescribe strong, powerful, and addictive drugs, and allows for the sale of alcohol and tobacco, I feel it only fair that where these substances are sold (hospital pharmacies, 7-Eleven's, supermarkets-this list is endless) there ought to be displayed at these drug dispensaries, literature that includes what addictive substances there are within and how those substances might affect us. Having anti-substance abuse literature, like PREHAB, available at these centers for drug distribution should be mandatory and laws need to be generated to inform the public from potentially addictive substances, even those prescribed by your physician. Warehouses full of alcohol are openly allowed to operate freely without any mention or warning of the impending dangers that lay within. Wherever legal addictive substances are sold or given away there ought to be readily available information that explains what these substances can do and where continued use of them might lead. We have warnings on cigarette packages. Why not on wine or hard liquor bottles? Literature and warnings about potential addictive dangers should be everywhere.
If we as individuals, and we as the State begin in earnest to self regulate our addictive substances we will be so much closer to an addiction free world. Protecting our family and protecting our society is really the same thing. We can tackle a huge societal difficulty with grace if we recognise the need and work together to implement positive actions regarding substance control.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

I think this is all about PTSD and the idea I have that we all, species wide, suffer from it. How can we not? We live in a world where instant suffering and devastation is seen on an on-going basis-viewed worldwide in hdtv and on ipads everywhere! Somehow we have shut down a part of us, as a group, that distances our "selves" from these unimaginable tragedies. I believe that the constant shock we are practically forced to watch unfold has damaged an essential part of our collective soul and that we fill that negative wounding with addiction; especially our addiction to our pasts. Harping continually on what happened, having to re visualized catastrophes, both personal and species wide, traps us in our past and this past acts as an addictive agent, almost external of our selves, that forever wraps us in tentacles of "what happened" and "who's to blame". Let it go. Oh sure, I suppose some sort of attention should be given to our past, but that should be kept to an absolute bare minimum. Rehabilitation, by it's very nature, is a rebuilding-from the substructure up, and therefore we are allowed to completely let go of our past. By removing our feet from the quagmire of the past, a quagmire that continually pulls us down and sucks our energy from us, we are freed to step into our present and from there, move forward toward our dreams and goals.
It's a difficult line to draw, however-that line between the past and its effect upon our present and future. All around us we are continually bombarded by negatives that attempt to draw us "backward" with references to who, what, where, when, and why. These are terrific w's for journalists, but for an alcoholic or drug addict these w's are terrible obstacles in the way of one's purposes and dreams. Let them go. Let them all go. Let the suffering of your past teach you then let it go. Move on. Move on toward your purpose in life-toward your dreams.
Attention to one's present, focus in the here and now, keeps us attuned to our intention of the moment. Am I moving forward in my life or am I stagnating and possibly even slipping backward and downhill? Attention to your intention will always secure for you your absolute present direction. By maintaining your present purpose you automatically move forward toward your dreams and goals. If you are in rehab right now, attending to your moment is absolutely crucial to your success in whatever recovery program you are in. Attending to your moment will also light the way toward your purpose and toward a future where fulfilling your dreams again doesn't seem so wickedly impossible. Because you have attended to your present, you are able to place into action the purpose of your life and move forward toward a happier and more healthy you.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

It's always difficult to say goodbye to someone who has come to visit me here. I liken it to sending a baby off in a small skiff to face the raging seas. Anna did well here and is now at her mother's home in LA awaiting departure for Chiang Mai and the orphanage she is to work at. She continues to gain weight as she realizes that she will not be able to leave the country until her weight is approved by her physician. She continues to review her copy of PREHAB which is helping to keep her here and now, forward thinking, and headed toward her dream. Her mood seems good and I have had no indications from either mother or daughter that anything is remiss. I find myself fighting negative energy, however, fending off the feeling that thin ice may soon crack. I am hopeful that things continue to go smoothly in LA and that Anna gets some quality time with her family.
I could have used another couple of weeks with Anna. I wanted her weight to be at least 97 before she left me and we were well on our way there when the boy thing happened and we did a little backsliding. I wasn't able to work my usual system with Anna since she really was too weak when she got here to avail herself of it. I wanted a chance to get her physical being tuned up and running well so that her mind might clear a bit more and she might be a little more solid when she arrived in Chiang Mai. With that said, I am certain the folks running the orphange will do as much for Anna's physical well being as for her mental and spiritual health. Anna must just maintain her focus and she'll soon realize her dream. From there, who knows what shape her world will take, but after a few months caring for others maybe Anna will finally find some personal solace. I have reiterated that she is welcome here anytime.
I haven't heard from London again, so I do not think the RockStar will be coming anytime soon. This is just as well as I'd like a bit of a break between gigs like this. It's pretty intense work and I like to just chill a bit between these intense scenes. The weather is changing quickly here and the snows are melting. I am looking forward to a beautiful spring here in the Sierra. Who knows what awaits me behind the next bend.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

It's funny, now that Anna is back here and back on track-she's happy, resolute in her ambitions, and forward thinking. The fact that she is stuck on her social media stuff--facebook, cell texting, etc-has made keeping her on an even keel, alot more difficult. The stuff people write back and forth to one another can be extremely hurtful and very damaging. The fact that people interchange passwords and can easily hack into one another's sites, makes it even more difficult to determine who is saying what about whom...
It really makes thing cloudy especially when dealing with people who lie so easily that their lies are often their truths. There should be a bullsh-t detector Apple comes up with that immediately picks up bs on the computer and relegates it to some trash area. Now that's an app worth investigating!
I received a couple of calls from a wonderful woman in LA who recently lost her son to the entanglements drug use creates. She has been receiving threatening facebook comments and texts regarding how she handled her son's death and funeral. The threats apparently come from a person I am well acquainted with and this woman has threatened to turn the texts into the DA's office for possible prosecution. The text messages are alarming and painful for a mother of a deceased child to hear. I am reminded by her that there is a word for a widow and a widower, but there is no specific word for a person who has lost their child. It's one of our unspoken human taboos-to even think that your child would die before you is, well, unthinkable! Then, to have that pain return to you in unkind and hurtful words is, well, beyond any pain I could imagine. I spoke to her and hopefully soothed her, but I find that I am unable to "reach" the person sending these notes. I cannot, for certain, determine who of several people it may be, so I am left to assume (ASS of U and ME) and that is never good. But, should this person not stop this harassment, said person will be arrested.
Anna has almost every detail of her up coming excursion planned to a "T". The biggest variables now are extraneous ones I have no control over. Most of these variables concern "old tapes" and those wonderful "buttons" that are so easily pushed by those we love the most. If Anna can avoid verbal conflict with her mother, I believe she will actually be able to pull off a short stint in LA without major repercussion. The key is to keep her visit as short as possible and as focused as possible on the things Anna needs to do there before departing for what could be an extended period of time. Her mother and sister will be joining her father for a few days away from LA, and I will suggest to them all that Anna be allowed to join her father as soon as all her work in LA has been accomplished. From there Anna will move on directly to Chiang Mai and the experience that awaits her. Although I have yet to speak with her father, my gut feeling is that his relationship with Anna is not as conflicting as Anna's relationship with her mother, so if I can get father and daughter together the less likely, I believe, Anna is of being drawn into conflict based upon past actions.
I know fears are based on past actions and experiences, and there are even innate internal fears that run so deep as to be almost instinctual. The growl of a large animal at night terrifies most of us. That is almost instinctual. But, we learn to fear people who burn us, and Anna's mother has been so burned. In my book I discuss this, how addicts often burn bridges that are sometimes impossible to rebuild. However, I ask you, when does a parent turn their child away from home? Are our possessions so valuable as to exclude the very children we give birth to in lieu of our "things". Is it a question of sanity? Do we disallow our child access to our homes to save our own sanity? What about the insidious guilt that follows that? I have tried to "keep out" my child but find I am unable to do so for very long. An hour or two, maybe. I find myself asking myself "Why did I have this child in the first place?
Life is an experience and I believe there to be little difference between pain and love. These universal feelings are our guides to happiness in this world. It is the same to face pain as it is to face love. Opening to the experience allows us to grow. By trying to limit those experiences we end up limiting our own earthly experiences. We shortchange ourselves one way or the other in order to protect what we think is "ours". What we are usually protecting is an illusion to begin with. Possessions, ultimately can provide only temporary sense of happiness which usually goes away in a short while. True happiness can only be experienced from within either individually or in unison with others. Shared experiences create the growth that leads to happiness here. Cut out the illusion and what is left is the real emotional impact of our lives! Our pains and our loves!

It is probable that Anna will leave here tomorrow. I will be anxious for her, yet satisfied knowing that Anna is on a path toward her personal happiness. I wish there was a little nanobot me I could stick in her ear to remind her of the 4P's, of how important to her focus to her intention is, and how much I believe in her journey, but alas, I am no replicable nanobot. Instead, hopefully she'll keep her well-worn PREHAB book handy.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Anna seems to be settling down again nicely. I suspect she will want to go home today or tomorrow and as she has all she actually needs, as far as moving forward is concerned, I think it may be the right time for her to return. Although her weight is down, her mother and I both agree that her weight gain must be #1 priority (see the 4 P's). Although set back emotionally, Anna continues to want to move forward in her life and I will be available via email and telephone should she want to chat. Anna has goals now, realistic goals that she can strive toward. This "moving forward" will enable Anna to build her internal structures and secure her new foundation. I think she should continue looking into work with the elderly as she revels in it and is good with older folks. I continue to honor her dream of working someday with children and also with animals. Anna is stronger than one would suspect as she has endured her own behaviors for a good deal of time now. Her resilience is commendable. Now, if she will continue to inch forward I believe her momentum will pick up and soon she'll be realizing her dreams and goals.

I received a call from London yesterday. One of my clients, a well known rock star, has finally completed what seems to be an excellent rehab and he has cited my book as being an influential tool in his in-patient recovery. He is currently finishing up at Focus 2 just north of London and now wants to come visit me for a "tune up". This is a former octuple addict who is apparently off everything from opiates to alcohol for the first time in 30 years. The head of that clinic reportedly read PREHAB and enjoyed it-perhaps I can get him to comment for my website! In any event, RockStar 1 (as I'll refer to him in blogs) may be coming sooner than later, or he may not show up at all. There are numerous stories I could tell you revolving around this gentleman and his London musician cronies, but I will allow these stories to gracefully unfold should he actually show up.

Wess, hopefully, has slept off her demons and is calmer today. I spoke with my mother this ayem and she seemed fine with things there. Wess needs to make work today and will continue to seek assistance for my mother in the evenings. Mom is scheduled for a heart stress test on the 13th. From there we will see what she can and cannot do from this point on. I will also be able to better determine whether or not I recall my sister from her China mission.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

She has dropped all the weight she had initially gained and is back at 84.5 lbs, but Anna has returned here and is safe. This past weekend was a nightmare for her rehab as she has returned to her former weight, her mood is depressed and and her thought process confused. The argument(s) she had with Wess were verbally abusive for them both, but frail Anna, I'm certain, is feeling the brunt of it. I love Wessley, but still have a distrust over the choices she makes when it comes to men and drugs. I want desperately to believe every word she tells me, yet I find myself questioning them all whenever it comes to men or her drug use. I have received conflicting reports from everyone concerned and blame is everywhere.
I will try to heal Anna and get her weight back up, and hopefully Wess will pull through whatever it is she's putting herself through at this moment. I love her and so want her to enjoy life again. Interestingly, both these girls, separately, told me in the past week that they were happier than they have been in many years. Now this mess...

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Well, since my last blog, which might have been yesterday, everything in Sacto has blown up. Both girls are accusing the other of drug use/abuse, lying, stealing, and all manner of other, unfortunately typical, grumblings of a pair that know far too much about one another and their internal problems and fears. Name calling and accusations are tough things to get over, and at this point in time, I do not know what to believe or who to believe. I know Anna has been trying to get her Rx for atterol refilled-by whatever means she can muster, and Wess has been hanging around that guy I mentioned yesterday way too much for her own good. She tried to get out of work yesterday, but I convinced her to get her butt up and to work. Everything seemed terrific up until she got off work last night. According her Wess, Anna lied about several things including accusing Wess of using Anna's credit card without consent. This started an argument that escalated into open warfare. Although everything seemd to be perfect as of about 9pm last night, for some reason, unbeknowst to me, Anna left my mother's after mom fell asleep about 9. A boy , we'll called him Sam, came and picked her up. Sam is one of Wess' really close friends and , apparently, Anna had had a te-da-te with him last weekend. This might have been what started things up. Anna also accused Wess of using , and for her part, Wess just tossed Anna out of the house saying that she didn't trust her around her grandmother. I am attempting to get Anna back up here as I will want to run some damage control with Anna, make certain her weight is good and help place her back on her course. As for Wess, like most hard core drug users, I do not think she realizes how obvious her addictive behaviors are to anyone who knows her. When she does drugs of any sort, her behaviors change quite dramatically. I'm afraid that if she doesn't start taking her work situation more seriously, ie, stop whatever negative behaviors she is exhibiting and buckle down, I think she may loose this opportunity for freedom. As for my mother, I am recalling my sister who is teaching English to children in central China. She will have to return home to help organize my mom and make certain she is well cared for.


www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Much has gone on during the past few days both here and at my family's home in Sacramento. Firstly, Anna's weight is up over 92+ lbs and she is cheery and her thought process continues to clear nicely. She has made solid plans for fulfilling her dreams and she recognizes when she or someone else attempts to place her into the past.
Wess for her part always has difficulty on the weekends and last week she had way too much time since it was both Passover and Easter. The karate studio was closed for a period of time and Wess managed to visit a very toxic gentleman that she believes she is overwhelmingly attached to. This guy is an addict (a speed freak) and a musician. He is a wonderful guy on one hand, but on the other he is the worst kind of trouble for Wess. Wess is one of those drug users who, unfortunately, really loves doing drugs! So, if she isn't attuned continually to fulfilling her dream, it is very easy for her to get off the mark and tread perilously close to "user" status again. This time, however, she was able to fend off her desire to use and "flushed" whatever it was she had bought, down the toilet.
While this was going on, my mother (she's 80) suffered what appeared to be a heart attack. Since we had all just had Passover seder together Anna was extremely upset about my mom and Wess requested that Anna come help her out. Interestingly, I was, at first, opposed to this move, however as i thought more and more about it, I realized that this is a terrific test to see if these two actually can work together and hold each other as supports. Furthermore, I had discovered that my friend in Chiang Mai is absent from there at this time, so Anna going to Thailand suddenly became a bit less happening for me (for her) since I wouldn't have a hand there immediately should Anna require something. But, during Passover, Anna was very well received by all, especially my mother, who as the wife of a physician is used to caring for others (as is our family's thing, I guess) and mom immediately saw Anna as someone who needed nourishment! When discussing this with Anna, I mentioned that one's dreams of long ago may sometime alter and shift during our lifetimes and that should Anna feels, at any time, that she no longer really has the dream of assisting children, then it would be perfectly acceptable;le for her to change her mind and head toward a new, more here and now dream. She perked up and mentioned that she loved talking to my mom and that she loves "old people". She talked about how she loves to listen to older folks tell their stories and she wondered if, maybe she should look into geriatrics as a possible field of study and work.Specifically, she said she would be happy to help Wess (Wess works in the evenings primarily) by staying with my mom in the evenings. She mentioned she could help run errands and such and that it would be a terrific way to meld into her volunteering in an orphanage. After prodding by both her and Wess, I submitted to trying this out. So, since her weight is up and her mood is excellent, I dropped Anna off in Sacramento for a few well monitored days. She should be ready to return to LA by week's end.


www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

My middle child, K, and her fiance, M, came up last evening for an overnight. She is a wonderful young woman, a student at UC Davis and M attends Cal State, Sacramento. Both hold down 30+ hour p/wk jobs on top of being full time students. These two have been together since early high school days and will be married in a couple of years, if all goes according to Hoyle. Anna is doing remarkably well. Her thought process gets clearer by the day and her desire to move forward with her life is strong and commendable. Wess called from Sacramento requesting Anna's presence this weekend. Since I had to give K and M my car (a new all-wheel drive GMC Terrain) as it started to snow pretty badly and M had to get to work tomorrow), I knew I would be trading vehicles within the next couple of days, so I thought it would be an excellent chance to see Anna's progress away from my direct influence. It also gives Anna a chance to stretch out as this place can be suffocating at times, I'm certain. We had a nice discussion over her responsibilities to herself, her own rehabilitation, and her role as model for Wess (and, hopefully, vice versa). I saw her reading PREHAB again and noticed it tucked neatly into her purse, so I didn't harp on anything contextual. Instead, I gave her a hug, told her how amazing she is and that she is loved, and sent her off for a day or so. I trust that this will go well, but then, I am the eternal optimist. Hopefully these two will develop a bond to act as a source of strength for them both for many years to come. Anna knows she is a welcomed part of my family and that she can return here anytime. The new confidence she is cultivating, along with letting go of the past and the acceptance of this by those who love her, has enabled Anna to reshape her destiny and move toward her dream of service to others. Though precariously fragile, this vision of a new self is enabling Anna to shake off the PTSD that has continually plagued her and kept her stuck in the muck of her past behaviors. She continues to exhibit a bright and cheery affect and has substantial plans for her immediate future that seem reasonable and functional. As I previously said, I believe she is nearing the end of her stay with me. I will weigh her upon her return here a couple days hence.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Anna is a mixed bag these days. Her confidence is up and so is her desire to get things moving again in her life. She has developed three "plans" for herself-schematics for following her dream. This process has allowed her to regain a fundamental trust in herself, a necessary step toward her complete new selfhood. Small things add up to make a big internal deal then serve to spark small embers of self-love. This stuff if fundamental to restitution. Anna's weight, however, is not what I wanted it to be at this point and she is somewhat resentful if I suggest a sack or meal. She is snappy at my suggestions and an arrogant edge to her is coming through. She is becoming too comfortable here and I fear, as familiarity sometimes breeds contempt, that her stay here is nearing an end. It is, after all, just a short time now till she embarks upon the journey she has always thought might be her eventual destiny. Watching her throughout this process, watching how she has become almost protective of her accomplishing her dream, has enabled me to gain valuable insight into Anna's PTSD. She has read PREHAB a few times now and I notice she keeps the book nearby her at all times. I reminded her family, kindly I hope, that Anna is in a precarious position and that wording to her should remain positive and forward moving only. If Anna can withstand the vigor's of the next two weeks (getting her passport sorted out, arranging for MD appointments, various vaccinations she may need), I believe she will be on the way to fulfilling a lifelong dream, a dream she had laid waste to as unachievable and had covered up in self-denigration and drug use.
In regard to Anna's prognosis, I am cautiously optimistic. If she employs the 4 P's and she remains focused upon her intention, she will experience success with this desire she has to serve herself by serving others. She is certainly putting herself to the test, but this test will allow her to examine her dreams and to see whether or not those dreams are what she truly wants or whether those "ideas of dreams" are leftovers from a past she can no longer reclaim. If the latter is true, then she will see that "tiny pebbles do not give us weight" and she will return to me to seek her renewal and a new dream vision. If what she is about to embark upon is truly her heart's desire and indefatigable dream, then she will be accomplishing it and will remain happy and healthy the rest of her life. Either way, I believe the time draws very near for her to stop envisioning this quest and to start placing one foot in front of the other until this particular dream of hers is examined and either accomplished or abandoned.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com