I watched Joe's trailer today. It's a trailer to a movie that is still being edited. It's supposed to be a movie about his progress or undoing as an artist and a musical act, but to me it is really a story of his progressions through addiction. His gaunt face and wobbly, wiry frame are a total juxtaposition to the person he is now. Seeing the past images of the person he was for so many years then turning to look at this absolutely charming, healthy man, makes it is very hard to reconcile the two!

Joe is forward moving and thinking now, happy in his decision to leave the "pub" he was in the other night before things there could get out of control. He has been to a couple of local AA meetings but is not too enthused about AA (never really has been) and doesn't intend to begin the 12 steps. The finds the lack of personal empowerment distasteful. He is willing to accept the responsibility for his actions. At 6'1" he initially came here at 148 lbs- "heavy" actually for him, but I would like to see him tone up and arrive at about 160 within the next couple of months. Muscle weighs more than fat, and although he has little body fat, he did gain a slight pouch around his midriff from the 60 days he spent at Focus 12 where his diet was mostly carbs and sugars. Here he is eating wisely, mostly proteins and complex carbohydrates and his muscle mass is increasing nicely. He has gained 5 pounds this week, is standing taller and straighter, and as I reported to you earlier, he is writing again. His physical activities vary so as to keep his short attention span occupied. Today he went ice skating with my 13 year old daughter and her bf. We also picked up his bicycle and he rode it the 3 miles back home. That was after our ayem hot yoga workout. He is eager to rise in the morning and busies himself with the guitar and writing in "down" times.

Our therapy has revealed much. Mostly that he has spent his life being conned and duped by those around him-some of whom say they love him the most. He is beginning to mourn his loss of a past life, while at the same time learning to let go of the mistakes he's made. Since discovering that he actually is guiltless in the recent OD death of a close friend has lightened his soul and allowed him to breathe a bit freer again. Unfortunately, the revelations regarding this death also removed the weight he felt so heavily upon his shoulders-a weight that might have had a considerable amount to do with his successfully completing Focus 12 in 6 weeks. Now that he realizes that he was duped and is guiltless in this death, the weight has been lifted and so has his desire to remain 100% clean. Marijuana, which is legally dispensed as a medication in California, is all around him in this city and state-he knew this coming out here. In fact, he told me today he "expected" to smoke pot once in California and was surprised when I refused to allow him this. Since I once used copious amounts of marijuana to successfully take him off opiates (heroin) 8 years ago, I think he expected me to let him smoke pot here again. When he arrived we discussed that and I told him I would prefer him to remain 100% clean as long as possible. Frankly, I do not care if he smokes some pot. Pot is in no way going to reactivate his opiate addiction. What will activate that is drinking. Alcohol is Joe's drug of choice and it is and always has been his most terrible nemesis. Any alcohol will immediately make him crave heroin, so I am happy he is not wanting to go there. There are ads in the newspapers here for medical marijuana and I do not expect to keep him from this benign drug which I have used as a healer for decades.

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