PREHAB2REHAB

Really, that's all I can do for now...

2010-06-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

Marge went home yesterday. She wasn't invested at all in her rehab and as soon as she realized what and where she had put herself she immediately wanted out and back to LA to see her BF-the guy she does drugs with. Marge paid little attention to me or anything here other than her cell phone, paid little attention when we were discussing PREHAB, and basically showed me that she isn't prepared to do the difficult work that is a solid rehabilitation. She could not identify a viable dream of hers. She admitted that the "program" she is in (working toward a certificate as a medical assistant) is what others want for her and is not what she necessarily wants. We discussed her lack of investment (emotionally) in such a program, but I'm afraid my suggestions to her went in one ear and out the other. Since she indicated that she wasn't happy here (and she had no money), I put her on a bus for home yesterday. Her 5 day stay here did provide her a safe semi-detox, but this 32 yr old woman is a long way from hurting herself and those around her. I was pretty hard on her on the way to the bus station, explaining that few addicts realize the pain they put others around them through and how selfish addiction was, but again, I doubt that she was listening to anything other than her phone. In the 5 days she was here she never smiled, not once, and never partook of her beautiful surroundings. She is stuck firmly within herself. I wished her the best of luck, told her she was always welcomed back, and gave her a few bucks to spend along with her ticket. I hope Marge can ride out her vices until she can figure out what will make her happy in this world besides a quick fix. As soon as she figures out her dream, she'll be able to conquer her addictions.

"Joe" returned to England and has convinced a very well known British BadBoy rocker to come to me for rehab. Unfortunately, my upcoming surgery will prevent me from seeing/working with anyone at my home from this point forth through, at least, August. I was an "A" level tennis player and want my shoulder repaired correctly as I plan to win the USTA 80's someday. Also, since I received only one response to my question as to rather anyone is actually reading this blog, I will be closing this down for the duration of my surgery and recovery. It is possible that I will take on clients again in the fall, but right now I intend to spend next year rehabbing my body and trying to sell some of my existing works. I will also try to find a new publisher for PREHAB as I am now absolutely convinced of it's ability to help save lives. I want to thank those of you who may be attentive readers to this blog and assure you that my adventures are hardly over, just on hiatus.

See you all in the Fall.

Update...

2010-06-18T10:33:00.001-07:00

Things here proceed along as expected. "Marge", as I'll refer to her in these blogs, is getting the rest she so desperately needed before she arrived here. She sleeps, eats, showers, smokes a cig or two, and has repeated this process since her arrival two days ago. When she's awake, much of her time is spent arguing with her parents or trying to justify her absence from her nursing assistants program. She is nearly hysterical whenever she approaches any difficulty at all and her way of expressing her frustration is to cry and/or yell at her parents. She constantly gets down on herself. She exhibits little ability to focus. I explained to her that she still has toxins in her bloodstream and body tissues that need leaching out, but the addict in her wants her to return to LA. She is trying to justify that return by saying that her schooling has to be this or that, but she is unwilling to tell her school the real story. Plainly, she is just not ready to return to the civilized world. It should be interesting to see exactly what she decides. Right now, it is hard to get much in to her. She is courteous, but resistive to any suggestions. Very negative in her world view, and it's a negativity that's based on fear. Her lack of esteem makes her a real challenge, especially because she doesn't not want to be here and is somewhere else in her mind.

As to my shoulder injury, here is the full impression by the radiologist below.

1. full-thickness tear of the supraspinatus and infraspinatus
tendon with 5 cm of retraction and mild to moderate atrophy.
2. partial tear of the subscapularis tendon with displacement of
the biceps tendon from the bicipital groove
3. mild to moderate degenerative osteoarthrosis of the
acromioclavicular joint
4. mild degenerative osteoarthrosis of the glenohumeral joint

Obviously this stuff can't be good and i am scheduled to see an orthopedic surgeon next Tuesday. Well, I was looking for a rest, now it seems as if I've been forced into one.

Is there anybody out there...?

2010-06-14T12:42:00.001-07:00

If anyone actually reads this, please log onto my website: www.prehab2rehab.com and give a a shoutout under "comments". It's lonely in here and I'd love to know if someone is reading.

What next...?

2010-06-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

My mother seems to be well. She is now a week back from Cleveland where her boyfriend of the past 6 years was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. That's incurable and a fairly quick and painful way to go I understand. This man was a Godsend to my mom after my dad had died in 2002. Mom and Lee (not his actual name) hooked up in 2004. His wife has died 5 years previously in a terrible bicycle/car accident. Lee and mom healed one another over time and Lee was there for her when my brother was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer in 2005. However, having suffered through my father's death and then through my brother's death took quite a toll on mom and Lee recognized this. He implored mom to return to Sacramento so she would not have to watch another important man to her disintegrate before her eyes. She came home a week ago. I had recalled my sister from China in anticipation of mom's early return and I had one of my former wives move in to assist mom with her daily activities. Mom is settling into her new role as "queen" where we do for her instead of her always doing for us.

Well, Joe has been in Sacramento with his new love for the past 5 days, but is scheduled to leave to London this afternoon. By the time most of you read this blog he'll be back in Jolly 'Ol facing the music that he must. His stay in Sacramento was bumpy, as I predicted, but very few people that come to visit me here actually listen to what I tell them and then act upon that information. I find myself saying "why don't they just do as I outline?" but invariably people who do not take their rehab 100% seriously tend to fall off their workout schedules, become lazy in their application of the 4 P's, and soon end up on the wrong end of a bottle or needle or both. For Joe I noticed a sharp decline in his interest in rehab as soon as he met this particular woman (I warned both Joe and this woman repeatedly against one another), and his focus became opaque and distorted. This particular woman thinks of herself as a "healer" because she has a massage certificate and teaches yoga. One must watch out for charlatans in this life. For instance, this woman knew I had a bad shoulder (I fell hard on it this past January). Although I was reluctant, I allowed her to "massage" my shoulder. It was painful, but I endured it. After a few minutes she proclaimed that she could cure me through her healing touch and that I didn't need to see a physician. Well, the pain continued and so I kept my doctor's appointment and xrays showed that I had, apparently, broken my shoulder cap way back in January. A large spur had developed along the capped ridge and all sorts of stuff is going on in and around the joint. The jagged spur is cutting into my ligaments, tendons and muscles. There was no way in heaven her "healing hands" were going to fix this. An MRI was ordered and subsequently I have just learned that I have a severed tendon and tangling muscles and a torn rotator cuff. I will be seeing an orthopedic surgeon within the next few days and must look forward, I'm afraid to surgery soon.

So, here is this woman swooning all over Joe, telling him gawd-knows-what and "healing" him. Well, that all backfired. They argued. I believe he drank, but I am unable to confirm this. Now there are hard feelings and Joe has slipped way off his rehab schedule as it was with me. The upshot of this is that it will make his return to England much more hazardous and his trials there more difficult to handle. I pray he has the fortitude to withstand the onslaught of negative influences which will descend upon him like a plague. Also, I have no idea what these two concocted about his return to America, but any thought of his return to Sacramento must come without my investment. Since Joe did not participate as I wished him to in his developing alternate vocational directions for himself, I can only conclude that he intends to, somehow, resume his song writing career. Fortunately that should keep him in Europe until he can receive his next royalty check. Then his plans were to move to NYC. Hopefully he'll not resort to his old ways of dealing with his life while in London awaiting criminal proceedings and instead will withstand the trials he must endure and move forward from there with a plan for himself.

I know I said Joe would be that last case I take on for awhile, but I have received word of a rather desperate situation that I cannot ignore or turn away. A mid twenty something young lady who has been rehabbed at least a half dozen times, was doing fairly well I understand (she's an opiate addict and a methhead)-she was attending school toward a nursing certificate-when she went to visit an old boyfriend and began shooting speedballs! How one jumps from nursing school to speedballs so rapidly over a boy I will never understand. I do know she has not read my book so perhaps I can get her healthy, detoxed, and implant some important ideas in her head before getting her back to school. I expect to hear from this young lady's mother sometime today or tomorrow and will make arrangements for her stay here.

So, I have an old friend coming for a visit this weekend. My middle daughter graduated university this past weekend. My youngest daughter prepares for her middle school Commencement and The Ever Important Commencement Dance. The love of my life is moving 600 miles away in a month for at least a year, and I have shoulder surgery to undergo! Whew...what can happen next?

Oh, and I received a call from Old Blues Guy. He is happily undergoing his rhab in Southern Cali still and constantly referring to PREHAB for guidance. He says that PREHAB has absolutely prepared him for rehab and because of that he is benefiting tremendously while he watches others around him flounder. It enlivens me to think that any of my humble words could help a poor soul so. I am forever in awe of my mysterious ability to conjure the right words at the right time. I am happy to assist OBG and all these other souls in such anguish. I only wish I could do more.

Obviously, a rest will have to wait...

Time to face the music...

2010-06-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

Joe leaves here tomorrow. He will begin what I have termed his need to "face the music". This is intended to be a triple entendre. He must face the music of his very short, yet intense relationship with an acquaintance of mine, he must return to London soon and face whatever charges or accusations regarding him he may encounter there, and he must face the music within his soul. He must try to conjure the poetry and melodies of his newly formed perceptions. He must face the music of his past, while listening to the heartbeat of his present. All this while staying true to the dream of a future. And, he must stay sober.

He'll be spending a few days in Sacramento at my mother's house. Although she doesn't understand the full nature of Joe's addiction(s), mom adores Joe and they get along like peas in a pod. Joe has that ability in general. He can sit and watch Sponge Bob with my teenage daughter for hours, yet will turn around and discuss with me the nature of neutrinos and their effect(or not) on metaphysical reality. He is quite the chameleon and has a smooth natural charm that he has come to realize is much better off without the consumption of alcohol. His shared London upbringing with my mother allows her the opportunity to make her famous Shepard's Pie and other delights that only the British could love. I have never been one for British cuisine (do they have one?) and much prefer my mother's Jewish cooking. Joe also loves spending time at my club in Sacramento. He likes the warm sun and cool pools nearby, and he likes to laze in the spa area watching sports and relaxing. I will arrange for him to access the club as he wishes.

I feel extremely confident in Joe's ability to remain sober. He has integrated the teachings within PREHAB although he would never admit to it. Part of why I like to rehab people in a familial setting is so the natural process of learning is allowed to unfold. In this way I only have to be a guide and interpreter. This is always the best sort of counseling as it affords your client the opportunity to figure things out for themselves even though they are very gently guided. It requires a very gentle touch as a good therapist does not want to color the perceptions of the newly rehabilitated. Conclusions must be generated for themselves. Since I have finally gotten the time I have always craved with Joe (his very addicted person and a very busy schedule recording and gigging has required an 8 year rehab process!) Joe has been able to focus on pulling himself from the past and is now able, for the first time in a long while, to look at his present circumstance with a sort of detachment as he realizes that he is no longer the dark personage he was for 3 decades. He is now a Being of positive energy and light. He has pulled himself from the mire of his past and planted himself squarely in the now. This allows self examination in a new light and this makes forward moving plans for himself possible. It also allows him to look at his past actions as just that: past actions that, although he would no longer initiate, he is still tied to and will have to face consequences for. Physically he has never been stronger and he has gained 8 pounds since coming here. He looks awesome. Hair cut, shaved and in clean, new clothing. He performs his adl's consistently and now understands the relationship between esteem and love (see the book). Thinking good thoughts creates good happenings and helps form healthy relationships.

I am a bit disappointed with our inability to go too far from home vocationally, although I never thought Joe would ever think about doing anything other than being a poet and a songwriter. He insists he wants to perform and that that is a large part of his dream. This is something I would not argue with. I am grateful for the brief time he was able to visit a disabled center as I think it may plant a seed within him that someday could produce a tree which might bare fruit. I continually encourage him giving of himself and doing for others as often as possible. I feel like following him home and watching as he moves through the next few weeks of his life, but I realize that is impossible, and in fact, not needed. He has everything he needs within himself. I will see him Saturday when my middle daughter, Kayla, graduates from UC Davis this weekend. There will be a party and we'll see one another there, check in, then I'll return to Tahoe and he'll be off to SFO and onward to Heathrow early Monday morning. I will miss my friend and wish him well as he faces the music of his new life.

PREHAB may be better than I thought...

2010-06-02T18:29:00.000-07:00

If all my patients/clients went as smoothly as the two musicians I'm working with, the whole world could be rehabbed in about a year. Old Blues Guy finished his weekend gig with such flair that his picture made the newspaper today! My sources report, as does he, that he was able to play just as great as always without touching a drink of alcohol or a hit of dope. That's 4 days of gigs in the hot sun and in a festival atmosphere! I couldn't be happier for him. This was something he thought could never be and now he is at the precipice of his future. As planned and promised, OBG made his plane yesterday and checked into a very reputable rehab setting in So Cal. He called me today to let me know that PREHAB has totally prepared him for what he is undergoing and he feels like he has a leg up on others there just starting their sobriety. They gave him zanex and he turned it down. Wow!Now, if he can stick it out, understand and obey their rules and, at least try to do AA work, he'll graduate from their and have new skills that will secure a healthier future for him, and by extension, his family.

Joe has been holed up in Sacramento for about 5 days now and he appears to be a real hit there! Evidently, he is just as charming without drugs as he is on them, and without the anger-fueled rages brought about by alcohol, he has made quite a few friends already. He has been attending one hot yoga class a day-minimum- and he is eating well, performing his adl's and, in general, doing really well! He has written another song (I think that's about 4 since he's been here). Of course, we are both still anxious about his well being when he returns to London in about 2 weeks time, but I have started making inroads there on his behalf. I'm trying to line up secure digs for him-maybe a sober living environment, and also trying to see if I can secure some volunteer work for him at a disability treatment center or some similar place. In doing this now I hope to create a "moving" situation for Joe so that he doesn't have alot of time to miss his old lifestyle and "friends".

Strangely quiet here, I can take some time out to pay attention to my personal life. My middle child is graduating from UC Davis, and my youngest daughter is being promoted to high school. My mother is due back from Cleveland and I have one of my ex-wives moving in to care for her (drive, cook, etc). This is a happy coincidence as my ex-wife had just become homeless. Now, she and her 7 years old son (from another liaison) will have secure digs. This also gives me some much needed leverage over my 13 year old as she realizes that if behavior is not exemplary and her grades do not maintain a 3.5, then it is going to be an easy deal to move her to her mother's (my mother's) for future raising thus allowing me some much sought after freedom. I have been raising children now for 27 years, and with only a few more on the horizon, I find myself looking forward to life unencumbered by children and their associates!

I had to turn down a new client as I will not work now until September. This next few months will be focused upon resubmitting my book to publishers and promoting the existing piece (getting it out on ebook links and such...). Two more weeks with Joe, then a nice few weeks off...ahhhhhhhhhh.

Memorial Day weekend...

2010-05-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a Memorial Day weekend. Old Blues Guy gas thus far been very successful in playing the gigs at a jazz festival without using any alcohol or drugs. He has been referring to PREHAB and the table of contents in particular. He says that is an encapsulation of the rest of the book. That's cool. I hadn't thought of that before, but you can just turn to the ToC and see the 4 p's and the dynamic duo right there next to one another and that seeing is a reminder of each of their impacts and their impact as a whole. In any event, having the book physically in his presence seems to be a calming factor for OBG. He is looking forward to his rehab which is the intent if the book. So, all seems well there. He'll be leaving for an LA rehab facility on Tuesday afternoon.
Joe was taken to Sacramento for the weekend by a woman of my close acquaintance. She came up here to visit my daughter and Joe and she hit it off. They asked if he could have the weekend with her, so I complied. At some point I have to believe that Joe is responsible enough o care for himself. I warned her about his drinking and that in no circumstance would that be acceptable. I do not fear for Joe using other drugs unless he is drinking. Then alcohol excuses all other irrational behaviors and I am extremely concerned about his using heroin here. There is a new, particularly strong form of heroin going around at the moment and junkies have been found with needles still in there arms or a straw still up their nose as they overdose easily on this stuff. Poor Joe, being as clean as he is now, would not do well with this junk. I last heard, however, that they have been attending yoga classes and lounging poolside enjoying one another's company. Fine. Next week we'll tackle more questions regarding his upcoming return to England. He has only 2 weeks left with me and there is still much to do vocationally.
I am an immigrant and became an American citizen in 1964 when I was 12. I love this country and appreciate it and Memorial Day always gives me pause to recount my very many blessings. I grieve for all the families who have lost a loved one through battle while defending our country. I offer my words to any of you who wish a free copy of my book. Bless you all.
On a personal front I feel good about my efforts over the past few months. I also can see the good that PREHAB has done and can extrapolate how this book would do if I could somehow get it out there in a worldwide release. I see how the book calms people and answers questions they have about themselves. I am blessed to have been the tool for PREHAB's founding.

Saying goodbye...

2010-05-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

Old Blues Guy left this morning. In just the few days he was here much by and for him was accomplished. He detoxed fairly well, sweating out long held toxins in my hot yoga studio. He discovered the healing benefits of cannabis based balm. He exercised more than he had in years. He confronted his being. He arranged for an in-patient stay (30 days)at a renown rehab treatment center in LA and found a way to pay for it and his airline ticket down there. He read and questioned, then comprehended and owned each and every PREHAB principle presented to him vowing to memorize its life-saving tenets. He arranged for a sober partner to pick him up here and stay with him throughout this Memorial Day weekend where he is playing a 4 day jazz festival he could not get out of (even though I advised against his playing it-I would have preferred him going straight into rehab from me). These and many other things accomplished here will help him withstand the rigors of the next few days and over the next month while he is in-patient. But this weekend upcoming is just the sort of time-trial that will absolutely test OBG's ability to stay focused on his intention (which is to get to rehab on Tuesday afternoon) and to control his urges to use by applying the PREHAB principles he has come to know and respect. He left me in great spirits, with a skip in his step and an optimistic point of view. We read PREHAB to each other and discussed all the various implications the book opened to us, and OBG seems more focused and determined than ever to beat his demons. I made myself available to him 24/7 as I do all my charges, we hugged, and off he went this morning...Good luck Old Blues Guy.
I'm such a nurturer that I find it always difficult to let go a patient. I question the timing of it all. I question my ability to have assisted in some way. I wonder whether or not I can be there for that person in the heartbeat when I will be needed the most. Knowing that I may not always be able to make those appointments is a brutal reality I must face. I wish I could be in the pocket of each one of my clients...guess that's why I wrote the book and made it pocket sized.
I got a call from an old client. He's clean and mostly sober. We've been working together since 1993/1994. He came to me hooked on alcohol and prescription meds; meds he was taking from injuries incurred on the job. He was into construction. Hard, physical labor. He also had a chip on his shoulder a half-mile high. We first met when he slammed then slumped his 6'2" body into one of the office chairs that faced my desk. Then, peering at me through his dirty, long blond hair, he snarled "So, what are you gonna do for me?"
I stared right back at his intense eyes with equal passion. Resting my arms on my desktop, I slowly leaned forward and smoothly asked "Why don't we start with your dream? Tell me what your dream is?"
Since that day we have become fast friends and he was an ideal client. His rehab was solid, he stuck to our plan and he made his mark. I was invited to his wedding some fifteen or so years ago. I know his son well. Unfortunately, he and his sweet wife are divorcing. He wisely called me to check in and I told him, as I always have, that I am available to him 24/7. We talked about possible pitfalls to watch out for. I hope he stay chill and makes this an easier transition for him than many I have seen. I will help him if requested, otherwise I will have to sit by the sidelines and watch this play out. Good luck, old friend!

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Smoothly moving forward...

2010-05-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things just seem to work out nicely. Placing OBG with Joe has been a wonderful experience for us all. They get along well and have been absolutely supportive of one another. Joe has been terrific since his minor setback 10 days ago and is appropriately contemplative throughout the day. It's cool to see him really taking his life seriously for a change. We joke about him having a moment of "feeling" where he is immobilized by the sensation, but in many ways this is the reality of his "feeling". Some of his past actions are appearing in his memory now and he has the time to actually process many of his actions, good and bad. This has opened him to feeling things that he should have thought about and felt long ago. Better late than never in this case. Many of his past memories make him "feel guilty" and he doesn't like this feeling. We discuss it and he realizes that guilt is something that evolves from the past and now that he is rehabbing he no longer has to feel guilty about his actions, although he still may have to face consequences for those actions. Joe continues to workout daily in one fashion or another, is writing and caring about his eating habits. His ADLs are more consist ant and he is shaving daily, brushing his teeth daily and, in short, learning and securing new habits.
OBG continues to sweat out his toxins which I am replacing with good, healthy food and a lot of water. He is sleeping less and is on a more traditional schedule now and during the days he is active in the hot yoga room with me sweating while we discuss PREHAB and his rehabilitation. He likes to ride a bike rather than walk as it is less painful on his arthritic knees. To that end, I obtained some cannabis salve which he applied to his knees. He reported immediate relief as he hasn't felt in years and wants to obtain more of the stuff. His mood is up and he studies PREHAB believing it is an elixir for life. We have been able to easily identify his dream in this life and he is cognizant of how his addictions have kept him from fulfilling his dreams. His understands how addiction has corrupted his purpose and how he has become addicted in order to satiate only his addiction! He understands how damaged he really is. OBG sees the usefulness of the 4 P's and the Dynamic duo of Intention and focus. He wants to do for others what I have done for him,. He desperately wants an addiction free life and I think he just might make it with the assistance of PREHAB and the advent of the PREHAB toolbox! He tried to underline and highlight the book at first but then realized that he was underlining the entire book, so he's decided to just commit the book to memory! Smart guy. That's why I kept it short and succinct. Unfortunately, he feels it necessary to play a four day Memorial Day gig and he won't go into rehab till it is over. I told him that he will be his most vulnerable during this time, but he assures me he will be able to handle it. He told me he would keep the book with him at all times and will call be daily till he goes inside on Tuesday, next week. He will leave here in two days having been detoxed and with a thorough understanding of PREHAB in its tenets. Hopefully, he'll make it easily through the weekend's gigs and fly to LA on Tuesday ready to complete his first rehabilitation experience.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Sleeping and sweating it off...

2010-05-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

I set up OBG downstairs as Joe is able to sleep solidly through the night (for him a miracle to go to bed at 11pm and sleep until 8ayem). OBG has medical issues that complicate his recovery as he is in considerable pain from arthritis and from various other physical maladies that will be examined by a MD when he formally enters a rehab facility. Till then I will have to rely on my blood pressure sleeve and his verbal history when designing his program here for detox. His meth use has been fairly consistent, so coming off this is going to be quite harsh to say the least. I usually do not detox, but have done so on too many occasions so I know what to do and what to look for. This won't hit him =for a few days, anyways. Then he'll do all the bs that junkies do to fool themselves and the others around them. It's gallows-humor funny to me now and I just chuckle and refuse to cave in. It's frustrating to the junkie because they are used to getting their way or bullying about till they get what they want, but I can't be bullied and just remind them that their ridiculous behaviors just belie their need to rehab. I can get most folks to stay. OBG needs to go into stir for at least 60 days. I hope MusicCares finds him a good bed that will treat him that long. Anyway, he's asleep now and I expect he'll be sleeping for a day or two pretty solidly. If not, he'll be in my hot yoga room sweating this insidious drug from his bloodstream.

Joe is a completely different guy when he's not drinking. He truly is one of my great friends as over the years I have come to respect his ability to survive amidst his personal, mostly self-made tragedies. His expertise with OBG could come in handy this next few weeks and already his demeanor toward me and his rehab has assisted OBG in accepting his role here. Having both these two cooperating and working in unison would help me survive the next few weeks. I end a four month run of this stuff 6/14 and will not take anyone on until Sept 1st, so I'll have a nice respite from this madness. My goals now are threefold: 1) to continue to physically workout Joe and keep him forward thinking (as forward as we can think considering a potential trial). His next royalty check (near the end of June)will allow him to settle in NYC where his resume should gain him entree to an agent or manager. He has been writing new works and that is a wonderful thing. My 14 yr loves one of the new songs apparently and Joe seems happy with that(whereas I would question anything a 14 year old girl likes-lol).

The weather in Tahoe runs from snow flurries to bright, warm sunshine this time of year. The Canadian Honkers and their goslings float easily down the keys and the vast variety of birds visit my feeder daily. Soon the ducklings will be born and OBG, Joe and I will go exploring the trails and streams of my lovely mountain home.I am forever grateful for my lot in life. I have everything I need and alot of what I want. Although it is hard work without financial compensations, I love my work and I am grateful for the opportunity to serve others. I have 3 talented and beautiful daughters who are wonderful human beings just trying to do their human thing. My mother is well enough for 80 and as I reflect back on this past work year (I go from September to June), I must humbly thank the Great Powers That Be for this amazing life I am so privileged to perceive. I look forward to the next round of adventures heading my way and the love that will be coming to me and flowing from me.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Old Blues Guy...

2010-05-19T11:31:00.000-07:00

Joe thinks he can "dabble" in alcohol and drug use. This is his imagined perfect world: He wakes up and has breakfast, coffee, then begins to write. Maybe smokes a bowl here. A workout, snack, and more writing/reading throughout the afternoon. An evening meal. A short run, before...a "nightcap" over television. Then bed. What can be wrong with that? Sounds like a pretty idyllic life. For most of us this would be a terrific lifestyle, especially if the "nightcap" were a small glass of red wine. All this seems fairly benign. To most of us that's true. But, to Joe, this seemingly benign schedule holds the potential for great disaster. Where and how?

Firstly, there is nothing built into his schedule that supports him outside of himself. Joe has stated repeatedly that he doesn't like AA and cannot continue going to meetings that he sees as a waste of time, and maybe even backsliding. Well, if not AA, then somewhere Joe needs to insert a support system of some sort.
Secondly, and far more importantly, alcohol, in even the smallest amounts, will pave the way for Joe's return to heroin and the harsh life he was living. Although it appears to him to be innocuous, alcohol opens his "Mr. Hyde" and once Mr. Hyde appears there is little "Dr. Jekyll" can do to hold Hyde back. Hyde will certainly return to the darkness and Joe will be howling and wailing long into the night for fixes needed and shots taken. I hope the lessons Joe learned from the disabled children he visited will be remembered and nurtured because I believe that Joe's giving unto others will open his Being to new pathways of wonder.

On another note...I found out that Old Blues Guy isn't even as old as I am (I'm almost 58). He just looks a wreck. This is the result of years of methamphetamine abuse. Old Blues Guy (OBG) has been recently shooting the stuff into his already seedy circulatory system, overloading his Hep C liver. Well, he's on his way up and is expected to arrive this evening. Apparently, he has been accepted by MusicCares for inpatient treatment and someone is trying to arrange something for him, but until then he needs a safe place where he can come down and be cared for. So I was asked.I usually don't take someone actively coming off a long drug haul, but OBG is close to not making it, so I thought it best that he come here rather than be on the streets trying to score. Apparently, his band (a well known blues group) is very close to firing him. That would prove disastrous and certainly send him speeding away somewhere! But, it's been about 4 months now of 24/7 care here and as summer approaches I find myself tiring and weakened. I need a break soon, so hopefully by mid June all this will be over for a spell. Meanwhile, I'll prepare another room...

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Some interesting thoughts regarding long-term alcoholism and ptsd

2010-05-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

Working with Joe these last few weeks has enabled me as a therapist to witness something very rare in this line of work; true epiphany from a person whose entire life has been a living nightmare of one drug or alcohol fueled experience to another. I'm not talking about someone who has dabbled in recreational drugs and gone a bit overboard becoming addicted after a few months continued use. I'm not even talking about the alcoholic who started drinking innocently enough in college and is now in their late twenties to mid thirties trying to cope with a newly realized alcoholic self. This gentleman started out at the tender age of 8 and by the time he was 10, he was already a fan of daily beer and a shot or two thrown in when he could muster one. Now, at 41, he is just coming round to the realizations that most of his life has been accomplished unwittingly in alcoholic stupors and/or drug fueled manias. His life has been blasted from him by his various addictions and seeing him-finally-coming completely out of this has reminded me somewhat of the traumas brought about by a sudden or violent assault upon the senses, such as is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Joe's assault was initially a single traumatic event foisted upon a child. With no time to properly respond to the initial attack, he was assaulted again and again, day after day, with traumatic and what must have been interpreted as violent, assaults upon his body and senses. After all, Joe was but a child when his addictions began and his mind was incapable of differentiating between should and shouldn't, good and bad, right and wrong. His mind was also attacked perceptually as his young brain was only beginning to properly sort out reality from fantasy and fiction. And now, watching him sort through all the debris and begin to restore his tortured mind, I see him riding the same emotional roller coaster I traveled on with my PTSD. It seemed that one day I would be fine, present, and taking care of business personally and professionally. But, the next day, for seemingly no reason at all, I would be grumpy and pessimistic, easily irritated, sharp with others and distrustful. There has always been a correlation between PTSD and drug/alcohol use, but for the first time I'm seeing the horse before the cart, so to speak. It's very possible that Joe's repeated early alcohol abuses produced in him a post traumatic stress response that perpetuated his alcohol and drug usage. He'd been thrust into a very horrid vicious cycle that has continued unabated until he began seeking treatment with me in 2002. It has taken this amount of time to properly "see" his PTSD so I can begin treating it. I've never even heard of this sort of thing before, but then again there are not a lot of 41 year olds around that have been octuple addicts for the past 30 years, give or take a few. It gives me hope to see Joe rehabilitating and going through his grieving process. It is not unlike what occurred in me the closer I got to learning to cope with PTSD.

PTSD may be more pervasive than we think. If Joe’s addictions are PTSD based as I think they are, then that may hold an answer in how to treat his particular addiction. Advances in treating PTSD are happening as we speak and a great deal of attention is finally being placed upon understanding and treating Post Traumatic Stress. We know irritability, drug and/or alcohol abuse, all sorts of excessive and addictive behaviors, violence against self or others, societal withdrawal, and so many other symptoms are related to PTSD traumatic stress, perhaps if we incorporate PTSD treatment modalities with new drug and alcohol rehab techniques we may find new successes are possible.

How does this affect those who currently suffer from PTSD and its related symptoms? How does this affect the millions of us that PTSD sufferers touch daily?

Firstly, you are not alone. Not even close to being alone. There are millions of us who are touched daily by those who suffer from PTSD, and the good news, the hope is, that we are beginning to look at PTSD in ways never thought about before and new therapies are being invented for those who suffer. New treatment modalities offer new hope for freedom from this crippling dis-ease.

To all those suffering from PTSD, and to all those who live with such a person, please remember your 4 P's, and practice focusing on your present intention as it will always keep you on your pathway toward your purpose and your dreams in life.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Shaking things up...

2010-05-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

This is just going to be a short update to share my joy of news from Joe that his day with the disadvantaged and handicapped children that I had arranged has had a profound effect on him. He called this afternoon to say that he has just had a lesson in computers from a small boy with no arms or legs> I could hear the cracking in Joe's voice at just talking about this. He asked if he could refrain from the karate school (I thought that might be a bit over the top for him anyway) so that he could spend the afternoon in reflection on his experiences of the ayem. I heartily agreed and we have conversed several times since. As I had hoped this experience is sparking emotional changes in Joe he has perhaps never before felt.My ex-wife says he's natural with working with special needs kids. What a wonderful combo this is! Not terribly unexpected, I might add. Joe is doing better than I had expected and I hope he continues to have wonderful, loving living experiences like today's for years to come. More on this trip when he arrives back to me later this week.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

After 8 years...

2010-05-14T09:50:00.001-07:00

If you have read my book, PREHAB, you'll know that I am a strong advocate of vocational redirection when necessary to recovery and rehabilitation. With "Joe" these discussions have been on-going for the past 8 years. As a musician and poet (he is listed as such in wikipedia), Joe's world collided constantly with drug abuse and alcohol consumption, and whereas the music industry isn't necessarily about drugs and alcohol, it is certainly more involved with these substances than most other industries. There are several possible explanations for this, but none are relevant to this discourse and would best be saved for another blog devoted to the music industry-suffice to say I have a great deal to complain about within the recording and musical performance industry. In the past, Joe and I have always come to the same precipice where he starts out as the living dead, then comes to see me, becomes restored, only to return to the very conditions the promoted his abuse. I have long advocated the need for a vocational change for Joe, and maybe-just maybe if we're lucky-I think we might have turned a very important corner.

During one of our down times, Joe and I were watching television and a commercial came on asking for donations to a disadvantaged, physically handicapped youth program. The words and images evoked a deep reaction in Joe unlike any I have seen in him before. He turned to me and said "I think that's somethin' I might like to do..."

I was stunned, but immediately reacted by telling him that it would be a wonderful thing to turn his talents to the disadvantaged and to dedicate some time to helping the needy. This really was an extension of an ongoing discussion we have had for years and was the basis for the chapter in PREHAB devoted to this issue: a willingness to alter course or career. This particular idea also involved the chapter on selflessly giving as a means to heal. I also immediately chimed in that I could make that happen for him in a heartbeat. He fell silent, contemplating the real possibility of delving into a field that had a completely different ego associated with it. Our talks about this possibility kept on going throughout the day and night and into this morning. I told him at breakfast today that if he wished he could stay in Sacramento and go with my friend and first ex-wife, Susan, to help at her school. Susan has been an exceptional teacher of the orthopedically handicapped for the past 35 years. She works at a unit within the San Juan Unified School District that instructs multi-handicapped youth. Susan could pick Joe up on her way to school in the morning. This would force Joe to stick to the time schedule he is presently on. After a few hours Joe would be picked up for volunteer work at a karate school in Rocklin. In the evenings he would attend an AA meeting and workout at a club (I have made arrangements for his boarding and transportation).

This is a new and very exciting possibility for Joe who had never envisioned himself doing anything other than getting high and doing music. We talked about how shaking things up can be a wonderfully cathartic experience and we spoke of the delights children can bring to the heart. Even if it were only for a few days, the exposure to these children will do wonders for Joe's ego-structure. To see that he can be successful at something other than music, and to be selflessly giving, will open Joe to whole new realms of possibility for him. We talked about his not having to prove anything to anyone. That his past is just that-his past. Joe has assimilated PREHAB and owned its tenets. He believes he is on the right pathway for him and I couldn't agree more.We are giving it this weekend to ruminate over this and if all goes wee Sunday evening I will deliver him to Sacramento. At some point I have to trust and have faith in Joe's desire to move forward. Joe is strong in his rehab. This is a great time to test us both.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

How time flies...

2010-05-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's been a few days since I last wrote and so much has happened in that not much has happened. The fact is Joe is doing so well that the days pass quickly and I find that we are already a third done with our rehab efforts. Joe is in the midst of redefining himself, building a new substructure and foundation for the new self he is inventing. Accepting the losses of his past and placing them into a subconscious file where they cannot disturb his present course, but are available for review whenever necessary or wanted. This has enabled Joe to begin forward thinking. The leg he had stuck in the past is being pulled daily from that muck and mire, and the thoughts that weighed him down in so much quicksand have been compartmentalized for later examinations. Although he realizes that there are still many tough roads ahead (he has to return to England to potentially face criminal charges that may wind him in jail), he is willing to accept the consequences of his past actions, but sees them as past actions that are not related to his new self. It is an interesting perceptive position. One stands in the now and prepares to move forward. In this case, moving forward means having to be responsible and pay possible consequences for past actions. By doing this and by perceiving it in this fashion, we bring the past into our present and accept TODAY what might have been an action of our past. By owning these actions in the here and now we can learn from them and gladly suffer whatever consequence befall us because we are more whole and present with our feelings. Although Joe is not particularly thrilled at the prospect of returning to England (it is a long standing discussion of ours), he is going to do so and be splendid in his doing. Hopefully, his rehabilitated self will convince the court that this once hopeless addict is now fully functional and willing to be a responsible citizen-even pay for past crimes that he can no longer relate to. Perhaps the British courts will be lenient and forgiving. Mercy is a beautiful human trait that we do not see much in nature. Our intelligence allows us to go beyond mere instinct. We shall have to see how things transpire a month hence.

Meanwhile, Joe's yoga is getting pretty good. We are working out daily in 112 degrees and 40% humidity. He is eating well and gaining weight. He spends a great deal of time contemplating his now and how he is feeling (or not feeling) and he seems bothered by the fact that great wells of tears are not flowing to the surface. I explained to him that during his heavy drug addiction and perpetual usage, that he might, in fact, just not remember what he was feeling and for whom he was feeling it. His cognition, although not greatly impaired (somehow) is full of spaces in time and events happened and slow to remember at all. Time will eventually allow for his feelings to well up. I am not pushing this. We continue to eat well, work out hard, and talk continually. He is trying to devise a viable plan of action from this point forth (actually, for after the court hearing in June in London). If all goes well there, Joe plans to return to the US at the end of June when he will receive the next installment of royalties for his work. This will be the first time he has had such a check without needing to pay back drug dealers and such, and without the immediate need to cop more dope, so we are hopeful he will take this "seed" money and move to NYC. NYC is the best place, we think, for Joe. Yes, there is a massive amount of alcohol and drugs in the city, hoverer in his business, the music industry, there will always be present these undesirable things. Joe has to be strong enough to resist temptation. No one can do this for him. Joe now sees very clearly the errors of his thirty year drug/alcohol fueled past and wants more from life now. A home, a wife maybe. He needs to find safe digs there and an agent/manager willing to set up a showcase. NME and Rolling Stone need to see the changes in this guy. One good review and one sold song and this man's new life takes hold forever.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Ahhh...the weekend.

2010-05-07T17:37:00.002-07:00

I watched Joe's trailer today. It's a trailer to a movie that is still being edited. It's supposed to be a movie about his progress or undoing as an artist and a musical act, but to me it is really a story of his progressions through addiction. His gaunt face and wobbly, wiry frame are a total juxtaposition to the person he is now. Seeing the past images of the person he was for so many years then turning to look at this absolutely charming, healthy man, makes it is very hard to reconcile the two!

Joe is forward moving and thinking now, happy in his decision to leave the "pub" he was in the other night before things there could get out of control. He has been to a couple of local AA meetings but is not too enthused about AA (never really has been) and doesn't intend to begin the 12 steps. The finds the lack of personal empowerment distasteful. He is willing to accept the responsibility for his actions. At 6'1" he initially came here at 148 lbs- "heavy" actually for him, but I would like to see him tone up and arrive at about 160 within the next couple of months. Muscle weighs more than fat, and although he has little body fat, he did gain a slight pouch around his midriff from the 60 days he spent at Focus 12 where his diet was mostly carbs and sugars. Here he is eating wisely, mostly proteins and complex carbohydrates and his muscle mass is increasing nicely. He has gained 5 pounds this week, is standing taller and straighter, and as I reported to you earlier, he is writing again. His physical activities vary so as to keep his short attention span occupied. Today he went ice skating with my 13 year old daughter and her bf. We also picked up his bicycle and he rode it the 3 miles back home. That was after our ayem hot yoga workout. He is eager to rise in the morning and busies himself with the guitar and writing in "down" times.

Our therapy has revealed much. Mostly that he has spent his life being conned and duped by those around him-some of whom say they love him the most. He is beginning to mourn his loss of a past life, while at the same time learning to let go of the mistakes he's made. Since discovering that he actually is guiltless in the recent OD death of a close friend has lightened his soul and allowed him to breathe a bit freer again. Unfortunately, the revelations regarding this death also removed the weight he felt so heavily upon his shoulders-a weight that might have had a considerable amount to do with his successfully completing Focus 12 in 6 weeks. Now that he realizes that he was duped and is guiltless in this death, the weight has been lifted and so has his desire to remain 100% clean. Marijuana, which is legally dispensed as a medication in California, is all around him in this city and state-he knew this coming out here. In fact, he told me today he "expected" to smoke pot once in California and was surprised when I refused to allow him this. Since I once used copious amounts of marijuana to successfully take him off opiates (heroin) 8 years ago, I think he expected me to let him smoke pot here again. When he arrived we discussed that and I told him I would prefer him to remain 100% clean as long as possible. Frankly, I do not care if he smokes some pot. Pot is in no way going to reactivate his opiate addiction. What will activate that is drinking. Alcohol is Joe's drug of choice and it is and always has been his most terrible nemesis. Any alcohol will immediately make him crave heroin, so I am happy he is not wanting to go there. There are ads in the newspapers here for medical marijuana and I do not expect to keep him from this benign drug which I have used as a healer for decades.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Cinco de Mayo fun...

2010-05-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

Joe is doing very well. He is sleeping through the night, although he is having some intense early morning dreams. These are generally expected at this point in a rehab; things have settled down in his body (he's 83 days sober) and he's been with me a week now and has become accustomed to the altitude of Tahoe and the relaxing, creative environment that I attempt to provide. Well, something is clicking big time with Joe. Not only is he up on time, he is generally early to rise. He busies himself with morning ADLs which now include for him the feeding of the ducks and geese. This is baby season and the key is loaded with wildlife. Joe is self motivating about his exercise and has gone for swims, walks, bike rides, and kayak cruises. He runs on my treadmill every day and has been able to stick it out twice for full hot yoga workouts (100 mins in 112 degrees). Today, he went for a walk and found his way to a small restaurant here in the Keys. He met a woman there and has a "date" tonight. He is extremely excited about this whereas I am extremely speculative. This woman had him meet her at a "pub" here in town. Apparently she works there. He was to meet her after her shift at 7 pm this evening. Cinco de Mayo. One of the partiest of all party days during the year and the particular pub she wanted him to meet her at is a local hot spot. It will certainly be hopping tonight and alot of alcohol all over this city is going to be consumed. I was quite hesitant to let him go, especially alone, but he assured me he could do this without taking a drink or having any illegal substance. I am not a Gestapo Agent. This is not a prison. This isn't even a locked facility. Joe is here because he wants to be and he will have to face worse situations than entering a bar when he returns to the music and recording industry. I must trust that the principles in PREHAB stick with him tonight and when I awaken tomorrow he will be here and ready to do our work. The most important thing that has occurred however is that for the first time in a decade, Joe has begun writing again. He has written two new songs in the past two days and i told him he wasn't going to leave until he's written 10 new tunes. He is wonderfully riding this rehab and is getting the best out of it he can. He is forward thinking and dreaming his dream, and for the first time in his adult life he is facing the world as a clear headed and well motivated Being of Positive Energy and Light! I couldn't be happier for him.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Couldn't be happier...

2010-05-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

Joe looks terrific. He was received by my daughter in SF upon arrival from the UK on Wednesday, spent the night with my mother in Sac (she is very British and the two of them sip tea and chat-it's adorable). I picked him up the following morning and was very, very pleasantly surprised. Joe looks wonderful! His face is full for the first time in 3 decades. Cheeks flush and teeth repaired! I sent an immediate email off to the folks at Focus 12 (I apologise for referring to this place in previous blogs as Focus 2) congratulating them on the amazing job they've done with Joe. He is off: heroin, cocaine, methadone, crack, alcohol, and marijuana. The last of his killer physical addictions is to cigarettes and even those have been cut back considerably. I was pleased to see him with a copy of PREHAB and he has practically memorized the thing! His affect is up and his motivation to press on with his life is forward moving and progressive. This is usually the shape he is in after he spends some time with me. Usually he comes to me looking like Death himself, cheeks hollowed, skin pale, and mood black and nasty (especially if he'd been drinking). I would have to spend 30 days just getting him to the point where he is at the moment. Then, a record company or some musician friend would pounce upon him and get him to go back to London for some BS musical thing and within just a few hours of stepping off the plane, Joe would be up to his old tricks. This time around, though, he's had a really solid 6 weeks of detox and another few weeks of therapy. In PREHAB I discuss allowing patients up to 90 days to really thoroughly explore rehab, and Joe now comes to me at a great starting point. Instead of backtracking with him, I am able to pick up where I have had to leave off twice before and take Joe into the next level of his recovery and rehabilitation.

In the past, I have always had an ethical dilemma when working with someone like Joe. After all, after detoxing a horribly corrupted gentleman like Joe, the very last thing you want to see is him returning to the same environment that hooked him in the first place. We had/have discussed his immagrating here permanently so as to avoid the negative worlds he knows in London. I think, honestly, this would save his life. Since there is considerable interest regarding his actual ability to rehab for any lenght of time, we have decided that he will take that time to reestablish himself as an Novella nominated artist (he's got quite a write up in wikipedia) in the LA area. Since I have also gotten him to agree NOT to go on the road and gig, but instead to stay put here with me and as part of his rehab, to write a whole slew of new works that will better represent who he is now and who he is becoming.

Joe is 41 now. Fortunately for him the 3 decades of hard drug and alcohol use have not completely destroyed his body. We have devised a strict schedule for hi to maintain:

Up by 8 am
morning ADLs
self-meditation
light breakfast - fruit, yogurt, grains, juice, coffee

9:30 am
Hot yoga - continues detox and promotes strength and concentration
2hrs

Breakfast 2
hydrate

12:30pm
Counseling walk/meditation/file sharing

1:30pm
Creative hour - reading, writing, music

2:30-3:30ish
Afternoon exercise: swimming, kayaking, biking, hiking, skating, tennis, fishing...

3:30-4:30
Afternoon meditation and reflections
file sharing

5:00-7:00
AA meeting

7:30
evening meal

8:30
evening run in indoor treadmill
20 mins-1 hour

shower/relax/TV/

Bed 10-11:00pm

As you can see (and as I stae in my book) I stress physical activity as a means of producing those wonderful, natural bodily fluids/chemicals that make us feel soooo good! Our counseling sessions will focus on two man subject areas: Past internal "files". These are past areas that the patients perseverates upon and that cannot be ignored. And, a vocational direction. A way for Joe to earn a living, sober!

Joe is happy and compliant. I believe he has in fact made that internal decision to make his rehab work this time around and I am as excited for him as he is.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Some thoughts on PTSD and our returning military personnel...

2010-04-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

We are only beginning to discover the magnitude and many tentacled, multiple symptoms of this dis-ease. A dis-ease in the true sense of what dis ease is. An uneasiness of/within your being. Can you imagine being uncomfortable in your own skin? Can you imagine wanting to break out of it you are so uncomfortable in it? Now, imagine being uncomfortable in your mind. Uncomfortable within your own thoughts. Imagine wanting to get out of your own mind and thoughts. That's the immediate reaction within anyone who has experienced PTSD and I think we can all relate to these images. That's the disturbing thing about PTSD. We all seem to be able to relate to it in one form or another-at some point in our lives or another. I believe it is almost impossible to live in this century and not be affected at some point by a psychic trauma so intense it fosters the growth of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some of us weather these traumas better than others.
In my book, PREHAB, I describe a chilling single incident psychic trauma that nearly paralyzed me for a decade. This incident eventually helped lead me to create the principles behind PREHAB and the central idea of "stay here now" when confronting the nightmares that often accompany PTSD. But, PTSD can manifest itself in numerous ways. From depression and societal withdrawal to violent physical outbursts. PTSD is a family killer and a scourge of our society that we are only just now starting to understand.
Soon, as promised, our military personnel will come home from their posts in the middle east. Many, many of our returning military personnel will suffer profoundly from the intense trauma they faced on the battlefield. Some of these returning soldiers and sailors will be readily identified by their field commanders and will be offered military services to help alleviate the pain and trauma of PTSD. However, all too often those soldiers who need it the most will not come forward with their personal anguish and their commanders will not be able to easily identify them for assistance. Most of these returnees will simply slip through the cracks in the system and be discharged without ever being identified as a PTSD sufferer. For those of you who know a returnee or who expect a returnee home from Iraq or Afghanistan soon, to please watch for signs of PTSD. Social withdrawal, extreme moodiness, persistent nightmares or night terrors, sudden anger, increased alcohol or drug use or any increase in addictive activities. There are also certain "triggers" that can cause a panic response that often trips into a full blown PTSD episode. Sirens are my big trigger. Everyone has different triggers. Try to help identify these within those you know who suffer from PTSD. Encourage these brave men and women who are our unseen wounded veterans to seek counseling and assistance from their local VA hospitals. There are new therapies being introduced all the time. One of the newest remedies for PTSD is a high dosage of morphine as close to the incidents cause as can be administered. I'm not sure what the thinking behind this is, perhaps to jolt the brain into some aggressive rejection of the damaging event, perhaps flavoring it and making it more palatable to the mind? It's an interesting approach and very typical of military medical personnel. I wonder how they discovered this possibility? In my experience PTSD is best dealt with through talk therapy and, if necessary, dream repression (so night terrors are reduced). Time, in all its manifestations, plays an immense role in recovery from - or coping with - PTSD. The patient who suffers from PTSD will soon find time an ally or foe depending on what one does with it? I am a big adherent to letting go of the past. This is the best way to defend oneself from PTSD, but it takes the ability to Stay Here Now and that takes practice. So, letting go of the past traumas that become PTSD, or the single event, can be daunting. Try to place the memory of these events into a "therapy file" that you examine when you are with your therapist. Therapy is the proper place for these examinations. Open that file there and then and pull from it whatever images you want to discuss from your past, then after your session is over, replace or discard those images and close the file until your next session. During your daily activities remind yourself that the past is just that, the past. By staying in the here and now we pull our feet from the muck of our past and stand firmly in the moment. From the moment it is easy to step forward and move toward a healthy future. Moving forward thwarts PTSD as it has no place in a healthy future. Now, bring your healthy dreams to a fore and have then envelop your life. Soon you'll leave the nightmarish past behind and you'll be able to move toward your healthy dreams with purpose, passion, and perseverance. Focusing on the moment relieves us of our PTSD and allows us to stay true to our intent of becoming fulfilled and forward moving individuals.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Rock n roll weeks ahead...

2010-04-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

It seems as if my friend and fellow musician Joe is coming from London and will arrive in San Francisco Wednesday afternoon. This will be tricky as I live 3 1/2 hours each way from SF. On top of that, another older blues guitar player, a session and jam guy who's played in a million bands forever, I'll call him Bill, is looking for a rehab (he a meth freak primarily but has multiple physical ailments to consider in his rehab). It might be a wise idea to place these two together up here. Both will be wanting to rediscover their individual creativity's without being on drugs and they might click and be great supports for one another. I might have Bill pick up Joe in SF since Bill is much closer to SF than me, and they could drive here together. Along the way the would see if they clicked at all, then once here Bill could either stay or return to life elsewhere. While I wasn't expecting to rehab Bill, I should have figured this might happen. Bill has been a long time drug and, I believe, alcohol abuser. His use of meth, though is his current major concern as I think he stopped doing any other drugs or alcohol years ago-I could be wrong here. There are several AA groups that meet off and on throughout the day here and with the sort of physical workout I intend to give Joe, Bill would certainly benefit from a month here. Since the snows have all melted and it's up to 60 degrees in the day now, I can get the kayaks out (I live on a key off Lake Tahoe and have access from my boat dock to the lake and various streams nearby). We have indoor swimming, hiking, biking, running, tennis, and I have my own hot yoga studio, so both these gentlemen will get a good dose of Swift style rehab. Since I have worked extensively with musicians I know what pitfalls to watch for and the worse part of this effort will be the wondering "if" they can still play, have fun, and create new works. Perhaps together they might find something musically profound? It may also be a great time for me to finish writing my rock opera, The Exit Bus! Lol. Frankly, I'll be lucky that the two of them don't sneak off and do all those crazy things we know musicians do. This is, after all, South Lake Tahoe and the temptations to gamble and live wildly are abundant.
I haven't heard from Anna in days, but I am hopeful that her time with her father is going well and that she still has a determined sense of self moving forward. I know things in Thailand are tense, but I am certain that won't spill over into Chiang Mai. In any event, I have found for her another excellent situation that would enable her to move forward toward her dream. I admit I am curious regarding her welfare and hope to hear from her soon.
This will be the last time i refer to my daughter, Wessley, in this blog. She has requested that I keep her from it at this point in time since she is progressing very nicely, keeping her job, and meeting new, healthy friends. I of course will respect her wishes and say only this as a final commentary; I am very happy that Wess has rediscovered the thing that makes her want to move ahead with her life. I am thrilled to have my daughter (and one of my best friends) back to a happier self, and I am certain Wess will no longer falter as she rebuilds and restitutes herself. I am a happier dad for this, and a healthier dad as well.I sleep better knowing my daughter has turned the sharpest corner of her life and is on a solid rehabilitation roadway.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Volcanic ash and the airlines...

2010-04-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

I'm having a nice respite between clients as the gentleman I expected from London cannot make his way over here yet. The ash from Iceland's erupting volcano has grounded most of Europe's air traffic and new flights are not being booked yet. Hopefully, this will sort itself out before May 1st as it would be very convenient for me for him to arrive on that Saturday afternoon. I will be at San Francisco airport that day to drop my mother off for her spring and summer in Cleveland. So, we are trying to arrange for a Heathrow flight to coincide. It would save hundreds of travel dollars and hours and hours of travel time.
I'm looking forward to seeing "Joe". He has/had at least 6 addictions to substances (heroin, crack cocaine, methadone, marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes-I think I'm actually forgetting two of them), and has an ego torn by its desire to please others and a need to satiate various addictions. These two come into internal conflict often. Like alot of artists (in this case Joe is a world class rock musician having recently been nominated for a Novella Award-Britain's equivalent to our Grammy Award for Best song writer and having had a fairly big hit in Europe a few years ago), Joe feels his creativity is tied to his addiction(s). Mostly this gentleman is known amongst the London underground music scene where he is both worshipped and hated for his antics on and off the stage. He has been arrested numerous times on charges of drug possession and simple public drunkenness, and has been jailed several times in an attempt-by the British courts-to "mend" him. He first came to my attention in 2001when I was acting in a film called "Being Bonkers". I played, well, myself-a sort of wacky therapist. I met Joe at an after party. It was obvious from his hollow features and skinny body that he had been an addict for sometime. I later discovered that he has been an alcoholic since he was 8 years old and a heroin addict for a couple decades. Someone at the party put on his disc. Joe's music hit me like a pile driver-full of rage and passion, love and fear, desperation and abandon. We spoke. I took hold of his withered hand, looked him in the eye and told him that when he was ready to start living again to come and see me. He smiled, then passed me what I thought was a spliff (part cigarette/part marijuana) and I took a few puffs. Unknown to me at the time, it had been laced in heroin. I had never tried heroin. Suffice to say that after a short while I felt nauseated and, all-in-all, I did not like the drug, however my encounter with Joe was remarkable.
A few months later the film director who put us together contacted me on Joe's behalf. He was ready to see me. To make a commitment to living again. He came to stay with me in Sacramento and we hit it off immediately. I quickly discovered that Joe's image was actually quite far from his real demeanor. He is a quiet, thoughtful and sincere person who, through no fault of his own, was placed upon his drug and alcohol fueled path when he was only a child. Everyday after school his single father would send him off to the local pub to await him so his father could entertain women at home. He was thoroughly addicted to alcohol before he was 10 years old. And things went downhill from there.
Joe spent almost 4 weeks with me and was healthier than he had been in decades when his people in London thought it would be great for him to return and record. Of course, this was in fact the worst thing that could have happened since he was not rock-solid in his rehab. I objected, but to no avail. People wanted to make a new CD. People wanted to tour. People wanted to make money. So, Joe returned earlier than I had wanted and quickly came into contact with his old friends. The drugs and wine started flowing again, and...well there you have it.
Joe came to see me again in 2005 just after my brother had passed away. I had planned along sabbatical in southeast Asia and could only spend a few weeks with him. He was going to accompany me to Asia, but the day before we were to leave he got drunk and sabotaged his recovery with me. I sent him back to London with his tail between his legs. Yes, he was in better shape, but he still had not made the internal commitment needed to stay clean.
I recently discovered that Joe was involved in a young woman's OD several months ago. Joe apparently woke up and his friend he had been partying with had OD'ed and choked to death on her own vomit. Joe, of course, freaked. The girl was a from a prominent British family. Police investigated. Charges were drawn up. Joe went into rehab at London's Focus 2 recovery center. My book had just come out. The director who introduced us sent him a copy. Joe read it, owned it, and with the help of the folks at Focus 2, Joe is now, apparently, completely drug free. So...now what, Joe?
That's why he's coming here. Where traditional drug rehab ends, I begin. Now we can take a newly reformed Joe and find a niche for him in the world where he can be comfortable and thrive without resorting to his old habits and addictions. New habits, healthy habits, have to be introduced and continually reinforced so that new and healthy behaviors are cemented. I will try to get Joe's physical being into perfect tune with his new mental outlook. Together we will complete his restitution. I am looking forward to seeing Joe again, giving him a well deserved hug and high 5, and working with him to fulfill his dreams.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Tanning addictions and things we don't normally think of as addictive...

2010-04-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

I read an article in today's paper headlined: Tanning's Dark Secret: Study finds the facilities can become addictive. The article spoke to the point that tanning activates the same parts of the brain triggered by drug dependence. Apparently in a blind study, groups of people who tanned and then were deprived of tanning underwent a withdrawal. Also, the vast majority of folks who tan do so, not because of physical appearance, but rather as a means to relax and to improve one's mood, and to socialize. Sound familiar?
The reasons we think we do things and the real reason we do things may differ dramatically. Take tanning, for instance. I have always been aware that I feel better if I have some sun on my skin. I believe I look better and I believe I tan so that I am more healthy overall. Yet, this is contrary to everything we know about tanning. I know that it's not healthy to bake my skin in the hot sun. We have ample evidence that this behavior is bad for us and can lead to all sorts of maladies including melanoma-skin cancer. Yet, just as the social drinker thinks they drink only to loosen up and be entertaining, perhaps an underlying cause is perpetuating this behavior. Perhaps addiction, to whatever it is that addicts us, is only being masked by our own misinterpretations. After all, it is so much easier to fool ourselves rather than to take a hard look at our behaviors and then decide to act positively to change them. The effort it takes to change our unhealthy behaviors sometimes seems overwhelming. It is at these times when the principles expressed in PREHAB can really benefit you. Paying constant attention to the 4 P's and to your intention and focus will always assist you in determining whether you are on a healthy road moving forward towards your dreams, or whether you are just perpetuating the same actions that keep you stuck in your place-or worse, mired in your past.
If we can become addicted to tanning, it is easy to see why addiction to many things is rampant.In our world feeling good is it's own reward and we have instant ways to feel good. I believe that "feeling good" through a quick fix, though, cannot possibly be as enjoyable as feeling good because of accomplishment. Functionality leads to accomplishment and that always feels good. So, forget the shortcuts. If you want to feel good about yourself and have that feeling last longer than your next hit or your next drink or your next tan, then look toward your functionality and see if you are headed toward your dreams. If not, then you may need to check that addiction and replace it with healthfulness.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Rx drugs, the State, and personal responsibility...

2010-04-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

Illegal prescription drug use is rampant. Why wouldn't it be? Pharmaceutical companies spend millions of dollars annually to assure that our nation's physicians dole out prescription drugs on a continual basis. Stronger, longer lasting drugs are finding their way to our family medicine cabinets where smaller, inquisitive hands can easily reach out and grab them. We generally do not lock up these drugs even though we understand the ramifications of their use. We also know that children take these drugs from parent's bathrooms at an increasingly alarming rate. Why are we allowing this to happen? Who's responsibility is it to make certain these strong, powerful elixirs are not taken by those for whom they are not prescribed?

I believe this responsibility falls upon us as individuals, and the State as society's overall protector. Firstly, medicine cabinets should be just that; medicine cabinets! These should come with a manufacturers lock and may in fact be separate cabinets from your traditional bathroom "medicine" cabinet. Perhaps such a cabinet could be kept under the sink or tucked away inside a larger bathroom cabinet or closet. Assuring that we, as individuals, do our part to insure these drugs do not fall into our youngster's hands, would be alot easier if the private sector, industry, put a little thought into things.
I also think that the State is partially responsible for solving this challenge. Since the State allows doctors to freely prescribe strong, powerful, and addictive drugs, and allows for the sale of alcohol and tobacco, I feel it only fair that where these substances are sold (hospital pharmacies, 7-Eleven's, supermarkets-this list is endless) there ought to be displayed at these drug dispensaries, literature that includes what addictive substances there are within and how those substances might affect us. Having anti-substance abuse literature, like PREHAB, available at these centers for drug distribution should be mandatory and laws need to be generated to inform the public from potentially addictive substances, even those prescribed by your physician. Warehouses full of alcohol are openly allowed to operate freely without any mention or warning of the impending dangers that lay within. Wherever legal addictive substances are sold or given away there ought to be readily available information that explains what these substances can do and where continued use of them might lead. We have warnings on cigarette packages. Why not on wine or hard liquor bottles? Literature and warnings about potential addictive dangers should be everywhere.
If we as individuals, and we as the State begin in earnest to self regulate our addictive substances we will be so much closer to an addiction free world. Protecting our family and protecting our society is really the same thing. We can tackle a huge societal difficulty with grace if we recognise the need and work together to implement positive actions regarding substance control.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Addiction to our past...

2010-04-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

I think this is all about PTSD and the idea I have that we all, species wide, suffer from it. How can we not? We live in a world where instant suffering and devastation is seen on an on-going basis-viewed worldwide in hdtv and on ipads everywhere! Somehow we have shut down a part of us, as a group, that distances our "selves" from these unimaginable tragedies. I believe that the constant shock we are practically forced to watch unfold has damaged an essential part of our collective soul and that we fill that negative wounding with addiction; especially our addiction to our pasts. Harping continually on what happened, having to re visualized catastrophes, both personal and species wide, traps us in our past and this past acts as an addictive agent, almost external of our selves, that forever wraps us in tentacles of "what happened" and "who's to blame". Let it go. Oh sure, I suppose some sort of attention should be given to our past, but that should be kept to an absolute bare minimum. Rehabilitation, by it's very nature, is a rebuilding-from the substructure up, and therefore we are allowed to completely let go of our past. By removing our feet from the quagmire of the past, a quagmire that continually pulls us down and sucks our energy from us, we are freed to step into our present and from there, move forward toward our dreams and goals.
It's a difficult line to draw, however-that line between the past and its effect upon our present and future. All around us we are continually bombarded by negatives that attempt to draw us "backward" with references to who, what, where, when, and why. These are terrific w's for journalists, but for an alcoholic or drug addict these w's are terrible obstacles in the way of one's purposes and dreams. Let them go. Let them all go. Let the suffering of your past teach you then let it go. Move on. Move on toward your purpose in life-toward your dreams.
Attention to one's present, focus in the here and now, keeps us attuned to our intention of the moment. Am I moving forward in my life or am I stagnating and possibly even slipping backward and downhill? Attention to your intention will always secure for you your absolute present direction. By maintaining your present purpose you automatically move forward toward your dreams and goals. If you are in rehab right now, attending to your moment is absolutely crucial to your success in whatever recovery program you are in. Attending to your moment will also light the way toward your purpose and toward a future where fulfilling your dreams again doesn't seem so wickedly impossible. Because you have attended to your present, you are able to place into action the purpose of your life and move forward toward a happier and more healthy you.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Candle in the wind...

2010-04-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

It's always difficult to say goodbye to someone who has come to visit me here. I liken it to sending a baby off in a small skiff to face the raging seas. Anna did well here and is now at her mother's home in LA awaiting departure for Chiang Mai and the orphanage she is to work at. She continues to gain weight as she realizes that she will not be able to leave the country until her weight is approved by her physician. She continues to review her copy of PREHAB which is helping to keep her here and now, forward thinking, and headed toward her dream. Her mood seems good and I have had no indications from either mother or daughter that anything is remiss. I find myself fighting negative energy, however, fending off the feeling that thin ice may soon crack. I am hopeful that things continue to go smoothly in LA and that Anna gets some quality time with her family.
I could have used another couple of weeks with Anna. I wanted her weight to be at least 97 before she left me and we were well on our way there when the boy thing happened and we did a little backsliding. I wasn't able to work my usual system with Anna since she really was too weak when she got here to avail herself of it. I wanted a chance to get her physical being tuned up and running well so that her mind might clear a bit more and she might be a little more solid when she arrived in Chiang Mai. With that said, I am certain the folks running the orphange will do as much for Anna's physical well being as for her mental and spiritual health. Anna must just maintain her focus and she'll soon realize her dream. From there, who knows what shape her world will take, but after a few months caring for others maybe Anna will finally find some personal solace. I have reiterated that she is welcome here anytime.
I haven't heard from London again, so I do not think the RockStar will be coming anytime soon. This is just as well as I'd like a bit of a break between gigs like this. It's pretty intense work and I like to just chill a bit between these intense scenes. The weather is changing quickly here and the snows are melting. I am looking forward to a beautiful spring here in the Sierra. Who knows what awaits me behind the next bend.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

New Media as Rehab Killers...

2010-04-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

It's funny, now that Anna is back here and back on track-she's happy, resolute in her ambitions, and forward thinking. The fact that she is stuck on her social media stuff--facebook, cell texting, etc-has made keeping her on an even keel, alot more difficult. The stuff people write back and forth to one another can be extremely hurtful and very damaging. The fact that people interchange passwords and can easily hack into one another's sites, makes it even more difficult to determine who is saying what about whom...
It really makes thing cloudy especially when dealing with people who lie so easily that their lies are often their truths. There should be a bullsh-t detector Apple comes up with that immediately picks up bs on the computer and relegates it to some trash area. Now that's an app worth investigating!
I received a couple of calls from a wonderful woman in LA who recently lost her son to the entanglements drug use creates. She has been receiving threatening facebook comments and texts regarding how she handled her son's death and funeral. The threats apparently come from a person I am well acquainted with and this woman has threatened to turn the texts into the DA's office for possible prosecution. The text messages are alarming and painful for a mother of a deceased child to hear. I am reminded by her that there is a word for a widow and a widower, but there is no specific word for a person who has lost their child. It's one of our unspoken human taboos-to even think that your child would die before you is, well, unthinkable! Then, to have that pain return to you in unkind and hurtful words is, well, beyond any pain I could imagine. I spoke to her and hopefully soothed her, but I find that I am unable to "reach" the person sending these notes. I cannot, for certain, determine who of several people it may be, so I am left to assume (ASS of U and ME) and that is never good. But, should this person not stop this harassment, said person will be arrested.
Anna has almost every detail of her up coming excursion planned to a "T". The biggest variables now are extraneous ones I have no control over. Most of these variables concern "old tapes" and those wonderful "buttons" that are so easily pushed by those we love the most. If Anna can avoid verbal conflict with her mother, I believe she will actually be able to pull off a short stint in LA without major repercussion. The key is to keep her visit as short as possible and as focused as possible on the things Anna needs to do there before departing for what could be an extended period of time. Her mother and sister will be joining her father for a few days away from LA, and I will suggest to them all that Anna be allowed to join her father as soon as all her work in LA has been accomplished. From there Anna will move on directly to Chiang Mai and the experience that awaits her. Although I have yet to speak with her father, my gut feeling is that his relationship with Anna is not as conflicting as Anna's relationship with her mother, so if I can get father and daughter together the less likely, I believe, Anna is of being drawn into conflict based upon past actions.
I know fears are based on past actions and experiences, and there are even innate internal fears that run so deep as to be almost instinctual. The growl of a large animal at night terrifies most of us. That is almost instinctual. But, we learn to fear people who burn us, and Anna's mother has been so burned. In my book I discuss this, how addicts often burn bridges that are sometimes impossible to rebuild. However, I ask you, when does a parent turn their child away from home? Are our possessions so valuable as to exclude the very children we give birth to in lieu of our "things". Is it a question of sanity? Do we disallow our child access to our homes to save our own sanity? What about the insidious guilt that follows that? I have tried to "keep out" my child but find I am unable to do so for very long. An hour or two, maybe. I find myself asking myself "Why did I have this child in the first place?
Life is an experience and I believe there to be little difference between pain and love. These universal feelings are our guides to happiness in this world. It is the same to face pain as it is to face love. Opening to the experience allows us to grow. By trying to limit those experiences we end up limiting our own earthly experiences. We shortchange ourselves one way or the other in order to protect what we think is "ours". What we are usually protecting is an illusion to begin with. Possessions, ultimately can provide only temporary sense of happiness which usually goes away in a short while. True happiness can only be experienced from within either individually or in unison with others. Shared experiences create the growth that leads to happiness here. Cut out the illusion and what is left is the real emotional impact of our lives! Our pains and our loves!

It is probable that Anna will leave here tomorrow. I will be anxious for her, yet satisfied knowing that Anna is on a path toward her personal happiness. I wish there was a little nanobot me I could stick in her ear to remind her of the 4P's, of how important to her focus to her intention is, and how much I believe in her journey, but alas, I am no replicable nanobot. Instead, hopefully she'll keep her well-worn PREHAB book handy.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Settling down..

2010-04-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

Anna seems to be settling down again nicely. I suspect she will want to go home today or tomorrow and as she has all she actually needs, as far as moving forward is concerned, I think it may be the right time for her to return. Although her weight is down, her mother and I both agree that her weight gain must be #1 priority (see the 4 P's). Although set back emotionally, Anna continues to want to move forward in her life and I will be available via email and telephone should she want to chat. Anna has goals now, realistic goals that she can strive toward. This "moving forward" will enable Anna to build her internal structures and secure her new foundation. I think she should continue looking into work with the elderly as she revels in it and is good with older folks. I continue to honor her dream of working someday with children and also with animals. Anna is stronger than one would suspect as she has endured her own behaviors for a good deal of time now. Her resilience is commendable. Now, if she will continue to inch forward I believe her momentum will pick up and soon she'll be realizing her dreams and goals.

I received a call from London yesterday. One of my clients, a well known rock star, has finally completed what seems to be an excellent rehab and he has cited my book as being an influential tool in his in-patient recovery. He is currently finishing up at Focus 2 just north of London and now wants to come visit me for a "tune up". This is a former octuple addict who is apparently off everything from opiates to alcohol for the first time in 30 years. The head of that clinic reportedly read PREHAB and enjoyed it-perhaps I can get him to comment for my website! In any event, RockStar 1 (as I'll refer to him in blogs) may be coming sooner than later, or he may not show up at all. There are numerous stories I could tell you revolving around this gentleman and his London musician cronies, but I will allow these stories to gracefully unfold should he actually show up.

Wess, hopefully, has slept off her demons and is calmer today. I spoke with my mother this ayem and she seemed fine with things there. Wess needs to make work today and will continue to seek assistance for my mother in the evenings. Mom is scheduled for a heart stress test on the 13th. From there we will see what she can and cannot do from this point on. I will also be able to better determine whether or not I recall my sister from her China mission.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Anna returns...

2010-04-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

She has dropped all the weight she had initially gained and is back at 84.5 lbs, but Anna has returned here and is safe. This past weekend was a nightmare for her rehab as she has returned to her former weight, her mood is depressed and and her thought process confused. The argument(s) she had with Wess were verbally abusive for them both, but frail Anna, I'm certain, is feeling the brunt of it. I love Wessley, but still have a distrust over the choices she makes when it comes to men and drugs. I want desperately to believe every word she tells me, yet I find myself questioning them all whenever it comes to men or her drug use. I have received conflicting reports from everyone concerned and blame is everywhere.
I will try to heal Anna and get her weight back up, and hopefully Wess will pull through whatever it is she's putting herself through at this moment. I love her and so want her to enjoy life again. Interestingly, both these girls, separately, told me in the past week that they were happier than they have been in many years. Now this mess...

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Why is there always a boy involved..

2010-04-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

Well, since my last blog, which might have been yesterday, everything in Sacto has blown up. Both girls are accusing the other of drug use/abuse, lying, stealing, and all manner of other, unfortunately typical, grumblings of a pair that know far too much about one another and their internal problems and fears. Name calling and accusations are tough things to get over, and at this point in time, I do not know what to believe or who to believe. I know Anna has been trying to get her Rx for atterol refilled-by whatever means she can muster, and Wess has been hanging around that guy I mentioned yesterday way too much for her own good. She tried to get out of work yesterday, but I convinced her to get her butt up and to work. Everything seemed terrific up until she got off work last night. According her Wess, Anna lied about several things including accusing Wess of using Anna's credit card without consent. This started an argument that escalated into open warfare. Although everything seemd to be perfect as of about 9pm last night, for some reason, unbeknowst to me, Anna left my mother's after mom fell asleep about 9. A boy , we'll called him Sam, came and picked her up. Sam is one of Wess' really close friends and , apparently, Anna had had a te-da-te with him last weekend. This might have been what started things up. Anna also accused Wess of using , and for her part, Wess just tossed Anna out of the house saying that she didn't trust her around her grandmother. I am attempting to get Anna back up here as I will want to run some damage control with Anna, make certain her weight is good and help place her back on her course. As for Wess, like most hard core drug users, I do not think she realizes how obvious her addictive behaviors are to anyone who knows her. When she does drugs of any sort, her behaviors change quite dramatically. I'm afraid that if she doesn't start taking her work situation more seriously, ie, stop whatever negative behaviors she is exhibiting and buckle down, I think she may loose this opportunity for freedom. As for my mother, I am recalling my sister who is teaching English to children in central China. She will have to return home to help organize my mom and make certain she is well cared for.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Anna on the mend...

2010-04-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

Much has gone on during the past few days both here and at my family's home in Sacramento. Firstly, Anna's weight is up over 92+ lbs and she is cheery and her thought process continues to clear nicely. She has made solid plans for fulfilling her dreams and she recognizes when she or someone else attempts to place her into the past.
Wess for her part always has difficulty on the weekends and last week she had way too much time since it was both Passover and Easter. The karate studio was closed for a period of time and Wess managed to visit a very toxic gentleman that she believes she is overwhelmingly attached to. This guy is an addict (a speed freak) and a musician. He is a wonderful guy on one hand, but on the other he is the worst kind of trouble for Wess. Wess is one of those drug users who, unfortunately, really loves doing drugs! So, if she isn't attuned continually to fulfilling her dream, it is very easy for her to get off the mark and tread perilously close to "user" status again. This time, however, she was able to fend off her desire to use and "flushed" whatever it was she had bought, down the toilet.
While this was going on, my mother (she's 80) suffered what appeared to be a heart attack. Since we had all just had Passover seder together Anna was extremely upset about my mom and Wess requested that Anna come help her out. Interestingly, I was, at first, opposed to this move, however as i thought more and more about it, I realized that this is a terrific test to see if these two actually can work together and hold each other as supports. Furthermore, I had discovered that my friend in Chiang Mai is absent from there at this time, so Anna going to Thailand suddenly became a bit less happening for me (for her) since I wouldn't have a hand there immediately should Anna require something. But, during Passover, Anna was very well received by all, especially my mother, who as the wife of a physician is used to caring for others (as is our family's thing, I guess) and mom immediately saw Anna as someone who needed nourishment! When discussing this with Anna, I mentioned that one's dreams of long ago may sometime alter and shift during our lifetimes and that should Anna feels, at any time, that she no longer really has the dream of assisting children, then it would be perfectly acceptable;le for her to change her mind and head toward a new, more here and now dream. She perked up and mentioned that she loved talking to my mom and that she loves "old people". She talked about how she loves to listen to older folks tell their stories and she wondered if, maybe she should look into geriatrics as a possible field of study and work.Specifically, she said she would be happy to help Wess (Wess works in the evenings primarily) by staying with my mom in the evenings. She mentioned she could help run errands and such and that it would be a terrific way to meld into her volunteering in an orphanage. After prodding by both her and Wess, I submitted to trying this out. So, since her weight is up and her mood is excellent, I dropped Anna off in Sacramento for a few well monitored days. She should be ready to return to LA by week's end.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Snowed in...

2010-04-02T15:38:00.000-07:00

My middle child, K, and her fiance, M, came up last evening for an overnight. She is a wonderful young woman, a student at UC Davis and M attends Cal State, Sacramento. Both hold down 30+ hour p/wk jobs on top of being full time students. These two have been together since early high school days and will be married in a couple of years, if all goes according to Hoyle. Anna is doing remarkably well. Her thought process gets clearer by the day and her desire to move forward with her life is strong and commendable. Wess called from Sacramento requesting Anna's presence this weekend. Since I had to give K and M my car (a new all-wheel drive GMC Terrain) as it started to snow pretty badly and M had to get to work tomorrow), I knew I would be trading vehicles within the next couple of days, so I thought it would be an excellent chance to see Anna's progress away from my direct influence. It also gives Anna a chance to stretch out as this place can be suffocating at times, I'm certain. We had a nice discussion over her responsibilities to herself, her own rehabilitation, and her role as model for Wess (and, hopefully, vice versa). I saw her reading PREHAB again and noticed it tucked neatly into her purse, so I didn't harp on anything contextual. Instead, I gave her a hug, told her how amazing she is and that she is loved, and sent her off for a day or so. I trust that this will go well, but then, I am the eternal optimist. Hopefully these two will develop a bond to act as a source of strength for them both for many years to come. Anna knows she is a welcomed part of my family and that she can return here anytime. The new confidence she is cultivating, along with letting go of the past and the acceptance of this by those who love her, has enabled Anna to reshape her destiny and move toward her dream of service to others. Though precariously fragile, this vision of a new self is enabling Anna to shake off the PTSD that has continually plagued her and kept her stuck in the muck of her past behaviors. She continues to exhibit a bright and cheery affect and has substantial plans for her immediate future that seem reasonable and functional. As I previously said, I believe she is nearing the end of her stay with me. I will weigh her upon her return here a couple days hence.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Nearing her time to go....

2010-04-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

Anna is a mixed bag these days. Her confidence is up and so is her desire to get things moving again in her life. She has developed three "plans" for herself-schematics for following her dream. This process has allowed her to regain a fundamental trust in herself, a necessary step toward her complete new selfhood. Small things add up to make a big internal deal then serve to spark small embers of self-love. This stuff if fundamental to restitution. Anna's weight, however, is not what I wanted it to be at this point and she is somewhat resentful if I suggest a sack or meal. She is snappy at my suggestions and an arrogant edge to her is coming through. She is becoming too comfortable here and I fear, as familiarity sometimes breeds contempt, that her stay here is nearing an end. It is, after all, just a short time now till she embarks upon the journey she has always thought might be her eventual destiny. Watching her throughout this process, watching how she has become almost protective of her accomplishing her dream, has enabled me to gain valuable insight into Anna's PTSD. She has read PREHAB a few times now and I notice she keeps the book nearby her at all times. I reminded her family, kindly I hope, that Anna is in a precarious position and that wording to her should remain positive and forward moving only. If Anna can withstand the vigor's of the next two weeks (getting her passport sorted out, arranging for MD appointments, various vaccinations she may need), I believe she will be on the way to fulfilling a lifelong dream, a dream she had laid waste to as unachievable and had covered up in self-denigration and drug use.
In regard to Anna's prognosis, I am cautiously optimistic. If she employs the 4 P's and she remains focused upon her intention, she will experience success with this desire she has to serve herself by serving others. She is certainly putting herself to the test, but this test will allow her to examine her dreams and to see whether or not those dreams are what she truly wants or whether those "ideas of dreams" are leftovers from a past she can no longer reclaim. If the latter is true, then she will see that "tiny pebbles do not give us weight" and she will return to me to seek her renewal and a new dream vision. If what she is about to embark upon is truly her heart's desire and indefatigable dream, then she will be accomplishing it and will remain happy and healthy the rest of her life. Either way, I believe the time draws very near for her to stop envisioning this quest and to start placing one foot in front of the other until this particular dream of hers is examined and either accomplished or abandoned.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

Gaining ground and weight...

2010-03-30T16:05:00.000-07:00

Last night we travelled to my mother's home in Sacramento for a Passover seder. Although born Jewish, Anna has little knowledge of her Jewish heritage and I thought it might be instructive and perhaps bond building for her future (her mother is an ordained Rabbi) if she came along. Anna's weight has virtually soared up to 90lbs and her mood and enthusiasm for life is up and forward moving. I figured if she could emotionally withstand my entire extended family, she could benefit from my mother's cooking. Passover is a big deal to us. Mom was cooking for two weeks beforehand and there were over 20 people at the Seder. Wessley-Anne hasn't looked this good since she was 20 (about 6 years ago). Wess' smile lit the room and it was difficult to not explode with internal pride for the huge corner she has now turned. I'd bet my life that she is DONE with opiates and all the crap they foisted upon her. She clearly sees a bright future ahead for her and the Wessley I've known and raised seems to have finally returned to us.
I am a lucky father. Many fathers aren't. To those fathers my heart goes completely out to you. To Anna's father; a cautious "I think we might just make this..."
Anna has read PREHAB a few times now and is beginning to internalize the 4 P's and the other essentials I recommend in the book. Anna has focused upon her dream of helping others and since this selfless action is one of the essentials I specifically refer to in PREHAB, I couldn't be happier. Her negative thinking has been greatly reduced and she is thoughtful before blurting out reactions to events or discussions. She is recognizing when she allows a past, negative thought to slip into her consciousness and is mindful to recall her mantra "Stay Here Now". Her foot is slowly being yanked from the muck of her past and she is standing more firmly on present ground than she has for sometime, I think. Since she has revived a vision of her dream, she has become forward moving toward her objective of securing that dream. So, she is focused upon her intent to fulfil her purpose of envisioning a dream and making it come true. And, although her dream may be difficult, she is undaunted by whatever negatives about it I throw at her. After fending them off successfully, I backed down and had to give her support and kudos for sticking to her guns, her game plan. We made an agreement that she would not leave the country until was was a minimum weight of 97 with an eye to 100lbs. This is, apparently, a lofty goal. I think not and have mac and cheese, Ensure, and a slew of exercises to commence tomorrow, at the ready. I believe Anna is close to being able to leave here and successfully move forward in her efforts to become healthy and complete her purpose here on Earth: to find a dream and to make that dream a reality. Anna's road is still very difficult, but my faith in her humanity tells me it's a road she will navigate well, at least for the present time.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

The Weekend Onward...

2010-03-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

The weekend "movie shoot" was a total disaster, but disaster often leads to re-creation and in this case it has.
Both Wessley and Anna were excited as they left for the weekend shoot. However, as inattention to purpose allows, they were side-tracked by a well meaning person who suggested that Wess hook up with her friend "Bobby" who is a well known rock guitarist who just happened to be in Sacramento this past weekend playing a gig. Wess had been sharing sober living digs with him and a couple other folks in a beautiful home in one of LA's many gorgeous hillside communities. Wess had screwed up her stay there and bad feelings had been generated, so Wess saw this as an opportunity for closure with her friend. Instead of going directly to the shoot, Wess and Anna were sidetracked to a Sacramento club. Anna had her expensive cell phone stolen from her and the two were 6 hours late for filming (kudos to them though for, I believe, they did remain off non prescribed meds and/or alcohol and illicit drugs).
Being late for a shoot normally would have been really bad, but the film was a "joke", there was no script, and after much writing and rewriting few of the characters wanted to continue beyond Saturday morning.
Then, Wess and Anna had their fight. It was an immediate friendship killer of a fight. Names were thrown back and forth, as I understand, and it ended with Wess demanding that Anna be sent home.
Of course this did not happen.
A few weeks ago I was facebooked by a friend, Wessley's old karate master, Bob Langley. Bob is an amazing guy and he and Wess were once very, very close. She studied for 6 years and under his tutelage, she received 2 blackbelts. Anyway, I called him when I heard that Wess and Anna were returning to me and that they had been fighting. I knew Wess was a hair away from really getting her life on track, and I wanted to separate the two as soon as possible, so I called Bob Langley. It just so happens that Bob reopened his studio and was looking for someone to handle phones and run errands, clean and generally help out. When I mentioned that Wess needed a job, he immediately jumped on it and offered her a 4 hour per day, 5 day a week, gig that would also allow her to take classes and to, eventually, teach at the school! Well, this job puts Wess exactly back to the point in her life where she diverged from her "dream path", stopped karate and began drug use. Her dream was to do exactly what this job now offers! The job allows her to sleep in as she likes and, leaves her weekends to perfect her stand-up routine (which is hilarious). It also got her out of here as she started work Tuesday! She loves it! This is an extremely easy esteem building gig as she has dozens of small children who will try to emulate everything about her. She will be their "sensai" and, I believe, her selfish, self-abusing drug daze are over. In speaking with her on the phone, her affect is bright, she is forward thinking and moving, and she already has plans for expanding her teaching base and getting Langley's Karate School firmly on the map! Although it took 5 years to get her to me, she was ready for a real rehabilitation to help focus her toward a new (in this case previous employed skills) career. This career follows PREHAB principles to a Tee and that is why I have such great hopes for a permanently successful conclusion. Only time will tell, of course, but if Wessley maintains her stay-here-now focus and that focus is upon her intent to remain healthy, she will accomplish her purpose and fulfil her dreams. This is rehab in it's most concise and excellent form.
With Wessley out of the house (oh, btw, Gabe returned to his mother's after I pointed out she was in need of his assistance. He stayed there for a short while then gravitated to his former girlfriend's house. I think he is still there) I was able to concentrate wholly on Anna.
What a sweetheart. Under all the crap she's managed to heap upon herself and after the hailstorm of self-denigration she has allowed to amass within her being, she is a warm, wonderful, spiritual, loving soul who only wants to help others and feel no internal pain(s). Unlike Wess, Anna is a reader and she read PREHAB thoroughly, and unless she is BSing me completely, she really enjoyed the read. She told me that the work was powerful and that she appreciated the brevity and preciseness of the wording. She also liked that fact that I don't cram a bunch of personal success stories into the book that, really, no one in true need gives a crap about. She likes the way the messages hit home easily and effectively. She gets it.
We talked about the difference between a comprehensive rehab (what I do)and a less thorough "drug rehab". She sees what is going on with Wessley in front of her eyes and she wants the same for herself. I believe Anna is about an inch away from turning her corning, also. We have been talking alot about her being stuck in the past where one foot weighs her down and it is impossible to move forward. We talked about her stepping up into the here and now and letting go of all the crap keeping her trapped in the past with behaviors she no longer desires to have. She is getting clearer by the day. She is slowly gaining some weight. Most importantly, whether she's stroking me or not, she's still here, still breathing, still eating, and telling me she wants to fulfil her dreams again. This can only be good.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

A weekend off...

2010-03-20T13:03:00.001-07:00

Wess received a call from a filmmaker/musician friend of hers asking if she would do a mini-film this weekend in Sacramento. After much thought on my part and assurances from both Wessley and Anna that they would watch one another's back, I let them go. They left yesterday at about 5pm. Last night at about 10pm I received a text stating that Anna had her cell phone stolen and this morning another text reading that they want to come "home". Apparently, things have not worked out as planned. Frankly, I'm glad they were able to reason for themselves that a better place for them to be right now is here, working on their own stability. The fact that they were able to stay together, though, is a great indication that a bond is building between them. I am hopeful this bond will grow and last for each of their sake. Wess also ran into her friend,I'll call him Bobby, a fairly famous musician she was sharing sober digs with in LA last year. This contact appears to have been pretty good timing affording Wess an opportunity for some closure with that phase of her life. Who knows, maybe Wess will return to LA to live one day, but LA isn't the same place it was when I was growing up and the pressures there on young people turn too many of them to do drugs and alcohol. I am hoping she will see a city like San Francisco as her next likely home. It is all very centrally located and one doesn't not need a car. We have started to discuss vocational direction. She is so ingrained in her current lifestyle that in order to maintain it she would have to stay in the entertainment field. She rattled off an hour and a half of stand up jokes that were sophisticated and very funny. SF is a comedy town and she could sleep in as she likes and hit the scene in the evenings. This is her dream. Stand up. I've always thought stand up was her ultimate gig. We'll see if she has the fortitude and perseverance to accomplish this difficult goal.
As for Gabe, I had a contact get hold of his mother and discussed with him her need for his support at home. He will be returning there and hopefully finding work and chipping in on the household finances. I told him he could always return here if he were ever in need. Hopefully, this is resolved with a positive outcome.
I had a talk to Anna's mother today. She called me, which is good considering there was a great deal for me to verify with her. As I suspected, Anna tends to exaggerate more than just a bit and sorting through the truth of things to get to the heart of the matter will be easier now that I know I cannot trust her words yet. This allows me to move forward toward my goals for her. These are twofold at the moment. First of all and critically important is her weight. She is 85 pounds and this is down from the 95 pounds she weighed when she left her last rehab almost 3 weeks ago. Her continued weight loss places her physical self in great jeopardy. I have instructed Wess to make certain that Anna eats continually. Secondly, I must find a way to kick start Anna's imagination so that she begins to dream again. If I can coordinate these two things, I may be able to get her back to some sort of productivity. This is, afterall, the aim of rehab. Restitution. Restructuring. Rebuilding.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

The more the merrier!

2010-03-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

Wess is doing extremely well. Having finished reading PREHAB with her, she immediately called several of her "friends" she felt could benefit from the book and/or my counsel. This was followed by a phone call from her mother, my first wife asking if I could take in a temporarily homeless young man, whom I shall refer to as Gabe (since I call him that anyway even though it is not his name). He's been here now 2 days. Gabe is a sweet boy, 18, quiet and reserved but with a startlingly honed sense of humor. He has absolutely no direction at all to move to and through. His mother has been placed into observation in a mental ward in Sacramento and he was staying with his father in Texas, but they could not get along. Apparently, his father drove him to LA and dropped him at the bus station. Somehow my ex found out (I think she is friends with his mom) and, well... Then yesterday, a friend of Wess', whom I shall call Anna, flew up from LA for an indefinite stay. She is 24and waife thin. She has suffered terrible personal physical and psychic trauma. A traffic accident at 18 left her in a coma for a few months, then a year rehabbing physically so she could walk again. Mixes of various drugs prescribed by physicians and gotten off the streets soon led her and her young husband through the perilous world of opiate addiction. He OD'ed in her arms and died and she hasn't been all together here since. There is a great deal of drug use and pain. That was a few years ago now and 23 rehab centers later she is here and I am hoping I can find a way to motivate her to live, truly live, again. She can't remember her dreams and she clutches onto her pain like a frightened child holding a special dolly tightly against her chest at night. Anna uses her pain as a compass for her passing in this lifetime. She navigates daily through waters of suffering and fear. Somehow I must help her learn to stay clear of rough seas and sail only through the placid waters of her wildest dreams. Only there will she find a new course to take; and there to formulate a new plan of action.
As for Wess, I believe she is better now than she has been in a couple years. I am really grateful for the opportunity to help alleviate her pain and proud that she is sticking to it, working out regularly now, and starting to form her plan of action for her immediate future. I am trying to let both girls absolve themselves from any past, negative experiences and to stay intent and focused upon only the absolute here and now. It's a constant struggle to over rule old tapes-to cease refering to the past and to disallow past impressions to affect present behaviors. With bruised and damaged folks like Wess and Anna, this process takes continual reformation and extreme patience. If all goes well these two can be a strong source of encouragement for one another now and in the future.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

A Turning Point

2010-03-15T13:39:00.001-07:00

This was supposed to be the day where Wess was to begin the hard work we all do in life on a daily basis. Her usual MO is to sleep till noonish then talk on the phone, pull animal cards and generally screw off her day till she (may or may not) attend a meeting (AA) or attend to some other drug induced unfortunate that she knows. We had a terrific weekend and she cooperated fairly well with everything. She walked about a mile on Saturday and another mile and a hlf on Sunday. Then, last night, I noticed a pill bottle by her bedside. Seriquel. It's a thought organizer, an anti-psychotic. She had not told me about these pills before so I was naturally curious. When I questioned her about these pills this morning and told her that she had no need of marijuana if she were taking these pills, her "addict within" chose to use the opportunity to react to me like a child to a father, not a patient to a therapist. She began yelling and telling me off for questioning the need for the pills. These behaviors of hers I've witnessed in the past many times, starting as a young girl. Maybe it was my overindulgence as a parent that gives her mind that she can treat anybody this way, yet especially someone trying to help her-save her. I told her she was over reacting and that what I saw really going on was that this treatment is working and the addict inside Wess knows this. That addict within her is trying desperately to escape and leave so that the addictive need can be satiated. This is not something she wants to hear and has threatened to leave. I will not stop her from doing so. I must somehow, if we are to continue this, find a way to get her to acknowledge the need to separate me as her dad from me as a counselor. Hopefully, we will get over this impass. I have asked her to get out of bed and shower (it's now almost 2pyem) and she is doing so. I've heated the yoga room to 115 degrees and I'm hoping a good long sweat will assist in her detox. I'll read the rest of PREHAB to her. She loves the book and she sees the wisdom it contains for her. If she can just get over herself, swallow her pride and accept her responsibility to her own humanity, everything should work out ok. She needs to trust me. She needs to know, again and again, that I care for her as a counselor and I love her as a father. Maybe I'll get the chance to reiterate this to her this afternoon as we stretch out.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com

She has finally arrived!

2010-03-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

It's taken nearly 5 years for Wessley to finally come up to me for a proper rehab. "I need to save my life! I'm trying to save my life" was what she yelled at me five nights ago upon her arrival here in Tahoe. She looked as pale as the icy snow falling all around her as she shivered at the doorstep.

I had been waiting for this day a very long time. I'd written a book (Prehab) for her during one of her detox and rehabilitation stabs. The book was meant as a guide for her while I could not be in her physical presence. I wrote it almost as a mea culpa for the suffering my opiate addicted daughter had to endure daily. I wrote this book so that other parents of addicts or alcoholics wouldn't have to repeatedly feel what I repeatedly felt everytime Wess had to return to a detox or rehab facility. And this parental guilt was compounded by the fact that I was supposed to be some award winning rehab counselor and yet I could not prevent my own daughter from falling prey to the dis-ease and sorrows addiction creates. So, I was hoping, praying-not as a counselor, but as a parent-that the words contained in my book could support and surround her in the still of so many dark nights ahead for her. But, addiction is a persistant and insideous bugger and had wound it's tenticles deeply around my talented and beautiful 26 year old daughter. My pride and joy crushed by drug demons that simply would not go away.

She was in no condition to read my book. Hell, she couldn't have read the back of a cereal box when she was deeply into it. And, she pushed away anyone who tried to help. But, finally, she's here.

We've been together for 5 days now and she hasn't bolted, though she's thought about it, yet. Her trust in me as a counselor seems to be the motivating factor in her return to me, not any particular parenting skills I may possess. Wess stated that she's "seen me help so many others..." Well, now maybe it's her turn.

Wess has been fairly successful in her attempts to stay clean, but yet another new boyfriend-one she thought she could assist in his efforts to stay clean- has gotten her re-involved with speed which ultimately led her back to her drug of choice, opiates. Her recent efforts to stay clean have greatly helped her detox and I have let her sleep off the drugs she has ingested over the past couple weeks (maybe more, who knows) and we have started quietly sitting in the hot yoga room, sweating, while I read her PREHAB.
She tells me she likes the book.
She still here.
This is all good.

www.prehab2rehab.com
PREHAB: The Essentials for Successful Change
Available at www.Lulu.com and www.Amazon.com